Sometimes manifesting doesn’t happen the way you expect it to.
For the last year, I’ve been going through a transformation. During the day, I’d still be at my corporate job. From 9:30am to 6pm, I’d sit behind a desk, do my job (and do it well).
Somehow I made transformation happen before 9am, in the hours before midnight, and on the weekends where I found myself skipping out on drinks and parties more and more.
In the hours that I’d scramble together, I was becoming someone as much as I was unraveling who I used to be.
I was training to become a yoga teacher. I was elevating my freelance writing. I was learning how to meditate and going to sound baths. I was attending 3–4 events or workshops a week to learn more about spirituality. I was meeting more like-minded people who didn’t sit behind a desk all day or who (like me) were wishing they didn’t.
Months went by, and I began to gain confidence in the new person I was starting to show up as. I finished my yoga training. I hosted workshops of my own. I interviewed people like Jewel and Millana Snow for articles. In all that time, I was also constantly rewriting my professional bio.
With every new change, I’d tweak my bio to reflect the person I was becoming. Regardless of the tweaks in that bio, one thing was consistent. About halfway through the year, I started introducing myself as a writer and yoga teacher. It was officially how I presented myself in any space (unless it was Advertising Week, which, yes, I also mentioned I worked in advertising).
At first, I felt imposter syndrome coil up through my entire body every time I introduced myself as a writer and yoga teacher. It felt too new to be true. It felt too soon to be real. My ego would creep in and ask, “what right do you have to introduce yourself that way? You haven’t done anything yet.”
But I knew that what my ego told me wasn’t true. I had done the work, and I deserved to own it. So I did. I owned it. I landed on the schedule at two different yoga studios. I landed my first ever print piece in a magazine. And I landed on my own two feet when the universe decided to take me seriously.
What do I mean by that? Well, let me refer you back to the point about how manifesting doesn’t always work the way you think it does. In all the time I spent escaping corporate and introducing myself as someone who works outside of society’s 9–5 walls, the universe listened. Literally.
Four weeks ago, on this day, I got laid off. I had choices, but I chose the one that had me walking out of corporate just like I had been telling myself and everyone I met that I wanted.
At first, my ego came back for some deep hits. I heard the word “unemployed” in my head over and over. I heard pity. I heard embarrassment. I heard fear. I heard shame. And then, I slept on it.
When I woke up, I felt empowered. I felt free. I felt new. I felt like me.
I had asked for this, and I literally was given the greatest gift of all: time. I was given the time to figure out what I really wanted to do, what was next, and to finally get the sleep I had been missing for too damn long.
I knew it felt right because I never cried, and I am the most emotional person I know. I knew it felt right because I still went to teach yoga that same night. In my class, I made the theme about rising from a fall. I’d ask, “how can you honor where you come from, to rise even higher?”
So, if it looks like I’ve been working in odd places, taking day trips, and doing things at random hours — that’s because I am. I haven’t been behind a desk since early October, and I am at peace with what’s ahead for me.
Sure, financially, I’m a little nervous, but I trust that following my purpose will give me all the abundance that I need. I believe that this is the time I needed to invest in the bigger picture — the actual image of my life that I want to look back on 50 years from now.
I manifested a layoff, but I am not laying down.
I’m climbing. I’m rising. I’m building a high rise of my dreams to join the NYC skyline. Of that, I know I am worthy. Because how could I not be? Sure, I’m taking naps at 3pm on the way to have energy, but this is my real becoming.
I’ve learned that you really will get the things you ask for if you mentally, physically, and spiritually align yourself with that truth. I’ve been introducing myself one singular way for almost a year, and now that person is me. I’ve become who I said I’d be.
Yes, I’m afraid of what’s next, but it’s a good kind of fear. It’s the kind of fear that wakes you up at 1am because you have a new idea for the business you want to build. It’s the kind of fear that opens up your mind to possibilities that once felt restrictive. It’s the kind of fear that makes you never want to write “Kind regards” ever again.
So, now what?
Well, I’ve always been an overachiever, so I haven’t taken this time lightly. I realized that this journey I’ve been on was all about rewriting my story. I wasn’t just rewriting my bio. I was rewriting where I thought my life was going. I was rewriting the expectations I had of myself since I was ten years old. I was rewriting what society told me I should be. I was rewriting my past, my present, and my not-so-distant future.
I was rewriting everything about me, and that’s when it came to me. I am not just a storyteller. I am a story-editor. And now, I want to take that skill professionally.
We all tell ourselves stories. Too often, we limit ourselves in the stories that we tell even though we have limitless potential to change them. We all have the power to change the way we talk about ourselves and the way we introduce ourselves to the world. We all have the chance to choose whether we rewrite the page we’re on, turn the page, or throw away the whole damn book to start the sequel.
Everyone has a story, and I want to help you write your best story yet. No more writing dreams that exist only in the future — because the longer you wait for the future to come, the shorter that future will be. So here we are with a pen in our hands, and the universe is listening to what we want.
So, I ask you, who would you be if you could be anyone you wanted to be? Who would you be away from a desk? Who would you be without your resume? Who would you be if you were unlimited by what holds you back?
I hope you know that you are capable. I hope you know that you’re powerful. I hope you know that you’re enough. And if you need help, now you know where to find me.
Sonya Matejko is a writer, yoga teacher, and communications consultant living in New York City. She’s on a mission to help people express and empower themselves mentally, physically, and spiritually. By embracing vulnerability, Sonya hopes to move people toward their highest potential. As a communications professional with years of experience building positive brand exposure for major companies and writing for top-tier publications, she helps people rewrite and tell their stories — personally and professionally. Sonya is also a pro event host and has led workshops at spaces like The Assemblage, Shaktibarre, Awakening NY, Breather, and more. Her writing has been featured on HuffPost, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, I AM & CO, Mogul, and Yoga Magazine. In 2018, she also founded @aforceofnurture on Instagram as a dedicated home for inspiration and self-expression. Sonya completed her 200hr YTT with YogaWorks and is certified in Reiki 1, Yin Yoga, and Exhale to Inhale’s Trauma-Informed Yoga. When not leading a workshop or writing, you’ll find Sonya meeting clients for coffee or off exploring the world.