2015, Girrrrl Bye.
I keep trying to think of something encouraging, something witty and light as a note to end this year on, but to do so would be counterproductive, because it is not what I feel. If I were to sum up 2015 in 3 words, they would be: last, lost and forgotten. I have had some truly amazing experiences this year and I am grateful for them, but I would be remiss to ignore the current state of affairs and down right volatile climate of our nation.
LAST: The lives and voices of Black women are still last. As Ms. Tyson so eloquently stated, we are the bottom rung, being trampled by every other group in society, holding on, white-knuckled and bleeding. We are last when the fame of men trumps their violence against women and children. We are last when #blacklivesmatter because it’s not so much when you are a woman. #SAYHERNAME.
LOST: We are lost by being absorbed into everyone else’s dreams but our own. We are lost because when it really comes down to it, we are left alone to carry every burden, our lives taken yet while we breathe. When covering becomes control and faith becomes fiction, the clearing is not in sight, yet we press forward, even when miles become millimeters.
FORGOTTEN: As a proud woman veteran, I still fight for life daily through debilitating pain, sickness and disability. I am a casualty of war — my body no longer functions as it is designed because I made a willing sacrifice for my country. A sacrifice that has only paid dividends of rejection, betrayal and progressive invisibility.
With all that being said, I still fight. I fight because I have to. I fight because those who came before me and stand with me set the bar high and it is my responsibility to raise it even higher. I fight because the example I set for my daughters is so much more profound than becoming an accessory in someone else’s life. I fight because I believe in the greater good, the good in people and because it is right. I fight because I was given a big voice, made bigger by how I was raised and exponentially greater because I chose to learn from experience. Even in this, I am realizing my language has again placed me as the last to benefit. So, 2016, I resolve, decree and declare, will be about me. I will make it a year focused on my development as a woman, as an artist and as a friend. I will fill it with untimely bubble baths and sequins, feather boas and bliss, making love for my body and my mind and all the shiny things and people my heart can hold. I will let go of the ghosts, the men that ghosted and the spirit of inadequacy. I will be as big and as bold and as loud as I was created to be.
If you don’t like it, you can kiss my ass. Feel free to exit with 2015.