Photo: ©Caron LeNoir, CARONISM:Photography

Real Talk About Unreal Choices Single Women Believers Make In (and for) Relationships

This is a pretty safe post, that does not mean it will not irritate you. It is my full intent to provoke. I will tell you when it is safe. The majority of the time it is not, but I’ll tell when it is. Now, the rest of it is at your own risk. You’ve been warned. By the way, I refer to women’s choices, not their mistakes. Only they can determine that.

A response to “7 Mistakes Single Christian Women Make With Relationships” on Black & Married With Kids - This piece is super fluffy and a great book promo, but I feel an unction in my spirit to submit MY OWN 10 in the spirit of truth. This article, posted on BMWK, is yet another reason NOT to listen to men giving commentary about what women think or feel. I shall follow up with a good 10 on men! Read on, brothers and sisters, read on…

10 Considerations for Single Christian Women When Dating

  1. No proof of life — She lives in the church. She has no pulse. There is no passion, no heartbeat except the misplaced one she shows in public and blames Jesus for. Get a life, things will change. Boring women are not interesting, no matter how holy-ish, so, find a hobby and stop whining.
  2. Delusion about celibacy — Celibacy is not a bartering system with Jesus to bring you a man. Good girl antics are fed to keep women from being women. Make conscious decisions about YOU and work within the boundaries you set for yourself. Vows of celibacy do not work if they are just for Jesus. It has to be for you and because you understand how its impact will or will not work for you. (Some of us enjoy the occasional release… IJS… I am Christian and #sexpositive. I do not condemn women to hell for acknowledging they are human.)
  3. Perpetual frump — Fix your face, comb your hair, put on some earrings and accentuate your womanity — however you define it. As one of my former pastors said, “Some of you have nothing to worry about because nobody is checking for you because you look like you just don’t care.”
  4. Deification of men — A man in a collar does not have more worth, carry more weight or deserves to diminish a woman into indentured servitude. This is an esteem issue. I know a strong woman, a believer, a powerhouse, but when someone with a little popularity capital showed interest, she became someone else and fixed her mind to serve him. He dumped her in a matter of weeks. It is too much. Know your worth, live your worth and stop quoting scripture you do not understand. BE who you were created to be and the right one will add to your life, not crush it.
  5. Infatuation with ministry life — Church is not a popularity contest. It is a class system and the sooner you understand that, the better off you will be. Men and women in ministry are called to serve, but there are many who are only called to have their own egos stroked. The more you know about you, the less you have to worry about it.
  6. Lowered expectations because she met him in church — A man in church or leadership within does not get a pass for being a bum in real life. He needs to work and have a life. Stop jocking.
  7. Not understanding the Word she claims to read — Song of Solomon and Proverbs are for grown-ups. Proverbs 31 has more than 3 verses, it is actually a chapter… IJS
  8. Cold Miser Syndrome — A woman without softness and compassion needs therapy. A man without emotion and compassion is just tragic. We have a need as human beings to connect. Unkindness on either end is the biggest red flag there is.
  9. Low-esteem and PTCS (Post-traumatic Church Syndrome) — The church treats men and women differently. It is an institution made up of 80% women and is dominated by men (and still excludes women largely from leadership) — let that marinate for a moment — Men are inspired to seek, learn and lead. Women are told to sit, be silent and follow. Slavery and submission are two different things.
  10. Forgetting the power in her feminine — I am here to tell you (if you did not already know), entire civilizations have been destroyed over the love, attention and affection of a woman. There is strength in womanhood. There is power in the feminine. There is nothing wrong and everything right with being your best — brilliant and sexy, soft and determined, powerful and ambitious. How a woman lives, how she loves, matters.

… And one more for good measure:

Making a woman's personal decisions, sexual history and private life subject to public consumption — Shut up. Just shut up. Stop making the details of your life into attention-seeking behavior. Stop giving away the power of your testimony to people who do not deserve your confidence or trust. People are people wherever you go. That does not change when there is an altar. Protect your privacy, your relationships and your safety.