Rising up.

Here we go, bluebird…gather your strength and rise up.

The words I was hearing as I drove home in the rain across the bridge, the end of which was unclear. Palpable symbolism for the storm I’m currently riding out in my personal life.

The darkness. The low visibility. The indeterminate end. And the words:

Gather your strength and rise up.

These are words I have lived by for years. When I was bullied in school. When I had to call my parents from 4,700 miles away after a fight with my then partner left me with a bruised neck and welts on my body. When the daunting mystery of motherhood was looming closer and closer with each breath that I took. When, after years in a loveless mistake of a marriage, I made the choice to start over with nothing to my name. When that decision led to a heartbreaking and hopeless custody battle from which I will likely never recover.

Decades.

Now, a new journey begins. I could choose to back out and bow down gracefully. There’s no guarantee that the finish line is close, no certainty that it will even end well. I could lie here and accept the abuse as something I’m just supposed to experience, something I should just endure.

But that’s not what I do.

Gather your strength and rise up.

*Lyrics: Bluebird, Sara Bareilles

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