Meeting the World Helps You See Who You Are, and That’s Worth Its Weight in Gold
I’m always excited for the reflection that a new move brings. It forces me out of my rabbit hole.
For the last couple months, I’ve been… comfortable.
No complaints — it’s been a welcome reprieve from a series of events that kept me constantly on the move and in perpetual survival mode. Plus I’ve gotten to spend time with family.
But when I take my foot off the gas, I become reclusive.
Not like a troll slinking back into its cave, but like a hopeless Nutty Professor that loses themselves to work & hobbies to then look up and realize two months have passed.
That’s right. I’m not an agoraphobe. I’m a scientist.
But some big things get lost when our communal prowess turns couch potato.
And even though the effect is deep, it’s more subversive the longer you disengage.
First Reflection: Your Mirrors
The last thing I’m here to do is promote mindless vanity, but there’s a critical lesson to be found in the quality & placement of your mirrors.
In other words, how you — literally — see yourself from day to day has a significant effect on your psyche. Even if what you see (or don’t) is subconscious.
Especially if it’s subconscious.
For example:
The mirrors in this house are all placed so I can only see from my head to my belly button, at the lowest.
For me, this creates an unfortunate phenomenon.
From the hip region, down, I’m built like the thicker types. Basically, unless I starved to death, there’s no hope for a “thigh gap.” You feel me?
Even though I’ve come to own and appreciate these parts, they’ve been a significant source of self-consciousness in the past.
So now, with the mirrors unable to reflect this area, I find that over time my psyche assumes the worst. I’ve gained weight, it says. I’m squishy. My thighs are gross. We’ve slid backward.
I know, I know. I’m the first person to correct you in your self-talk. But these aren’t conscious thoughts. They slowly, slowly build over time.
As legitimate perception of my physical boundaries gets more and more blurred, my internalized perception has nothing to work with, and so doesn’t know what to do except slip into old patterns.
This is more powerful than you think. And some brutal lighting or a warped, full-length funhouse mirror you look into every day could do a similar thing.
Second Reflection: Your Other Mirrors
Humans.
This is where we really dive in.
Other people are the most powerful mirrors in our lives.
As far as intimate relationships, throughout our lives our various partners will reflect back to us our deepest issues & insecurities. Without fail, and totally without effort on their part. Many of us can’t handle it.
Our family members and even the kinds of people we surround ourselves with can also have a slow-building effect on how we perceive ourselves. (Soft lighting? Or funhouse mirror?)
But we have an effect on what those mirrors reflect back to us, too.
Do you regularly have tense, unpleasant, or disappointing interactions at work, the grocery store, in restaurants, online, and so on? Unfortunately, chances are pretty high that you’ll have an excruciating time looking inward, but if you can manage it will change your life.
How you show up to the world determines precisely how the world will respond to you.
(You wouldn’t believe how unguarded everyone becomes when you let your guard down.)
But What Happens When You Don’t Show up to The World, at All?
Cue the recluse.
It’s the same as the physical mirror: you’re not prodded to see what’s reflected back to you.
Sometimes it’s a great reflection, and it makes you feel incredible!
Other times can turn out quite differently — though how you feel & respond is entirely up to you.
I know who I am, but I know it much better when I see myself in other people.
Sometimes they get a rise out of me! As I get older, my deep distaste for confrontation is losing weight to a growing lack of tolerance for bullshit. But always this is a lesson for me to check myself; impatience is never warranted. Or helpful.
Because I also find that I’m curious, authentic, and I seek laughter & stimulating conversation. I believe there is abundant goodness to be found in the people of this world, because I’ve been able to find my own goodness.
And after all, as Goethe says:
“… If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming. “
I‘m so excited for this journey to keep seeking their reflections.
If you found this valuable and would like so support my journey, I have a quaint, quiet Tip Jar that welcomes reflection.
Thank you very much for reading.
