The problem with loneliness

courtney sembler
Aug 8, 2017 · 4 min read
“I use to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. IT’S NOT. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone”- Robin Williams

There is a problem with loneliness in our culture today. We receive instant gratification in most things that we do.

In a recent article written on ‘Why Millennials Are Lonely’, found that one of the main reason for our loneliness is, “Is the Internet makes it viral.”

We take our loneliness out on the internet. We try to create social interactions through text message, Facetime, Snapchat, the list could go on for awhile. But in these interactions we still miss things.

“You don’t see their facial expressions,” he says. “You don’t hear their tone of voice.”Even with Skype and FaceTime, “there are so many missing cues,” Cacioppo says. In article written on ‘Why do we feel so lonely?” from USA Today.

It use to be normal to go home from work, school or your day and not interact with anyone until you left your house to go see them. This provided a normal space where people were ‘alone’ and have it not consume them. Now there are rare times where we are truly alone. Our phones are carted with us everywhere, Instagram posts can notify our friends of what we are doing, SnapChat is now implementing ways to see your friends location.

Of course we are going to feel lonely when no one is talking to us when the new normal is to always be connected.

As a twenty-four year old, female living alone I am a prime candidate to feel alone. Each year though I seek out more alone time by traveling to new places around the globe… alone.

So what is the problem with loneliness in todays culture?

It’s looked down upon to spend time alone.

With our constant need to be connected, when people ‘go off the grid’ we get worried. This is a trend that happens in modern day relationships the most.

“Why haven’t they texted me back? It’s been an hour…” These sentences are what makes me most worried about loneliness in todays culture. We are so worried about what other people are doing we forget about the space to create for ourselves.

When was the last time you spend the day alone? No phone, email, Snapchat? It’s probably been awhile and I am no different.

We as a culture we need to start creating more spaces for ourselves to be alone and feel comfortable. And the biggest place we need to bring that space is in our relationship with ourselves.

So what are five ways we can start creating space for ourselves?

5 ways to create space for yourself

  1. Spend 10 min each day completely alone
  2. Write and then write some more
  3. Dedicate time to disconnect from Social Media
  4. Find places that inspire you
  5. Remember that self care is the most important

Spend 10 min each day completely alone

This might seem strange but find 10 minutes each day to be truly alone with yourself.

Whether this is turning off your phone on the way to work and just listening to the world around you or meditating each morning or night to clear your head. Whatever you find to be helpful but make sure it’s just you.

Write and then write some more

When loneliness starts to creep into my life I write. By writing I create a new space for myself to explore my thoughts.

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea. Find a Thoughtful Spot to think and ponder about your life. It can be good to get your ideas out of your head and onto paper to help you move past them.

Dedicate time to disconnect from Social Media

Yikes… I know it sounds a little rough but dedicate time to disconnect from social media.

For me I spend the first hour of my Sunday with no phone and no computer. It allows me to re-center myself on who I am and what I want. Sometimes this means doing yoga, drinking tea and reading a book or just being cozy in bed. Whatever it is for you, spend time without the presence of others.

Find places that inspire you

Find places that inspire you. Whether this is 10 minutes from your house or a world away. Find a place that lights your soul on fire and encourages you to be a better you.

This year this place was Iceland for me. I discovered things about myself I might never have. Distancing myself from the culture, the people and the places that I am use to allowed me to ask myself questions I was not able to before.

Find places that do this for you.

Remember that self care is the most important

Whether or not you can create this personal space for you without social media or travel remember that self care is the most important.

You have to put on your oxygen mask before you put on someone else’s. In times of loneliness it might feel good to try to solve someone else’s problems but you need to first take care of yourself. It is not about ‘treat yo self’ but true love for who you are.

For whatever you do, remember that being alone is ok. It helps us grow so we can create better relationships, better friendships and hopefully a better culture.

Alone in Iceland

courtney sembler

Written by

Manager, @HubSpotAcademy Education, Avid Skier, Hiker and Sports Fan #goniners and Email Geek

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