Motherhood and me: part 2
Having two pregnancies back to back was way more challenging than I thought, I don’t know how some women have 3/4/5/6! Two was definitely the limit at that time and I found being pregnant and looking after a baby hard work. Pregnancy for me (and most women), was tiring. I constantly felt exhausted and on top of that was breastfeeding. My belly was huge and I could feel that she was heavy. Prior to going into labour the midwife sent me to the hospital as she was concerned that I’d have problems due to the size; but I was told it was fine and not to worry. Wrong! She was coming out horizontally and weighed in at 9lb 10oz’s after a c-section (to my relief).
Little Bit was the fattest, cutest baby ever but boy, could she cry! I couldn’t leave the room for the first year without her screaming down the place, so other people looking after her wasn’t really an option. I stayed off work until they were 2 and 3 years old and when I returned I was really fortunate to find a term time only job in a local college.
Loving Them The Same
My girls are very different in character, almost opposites. One is focused, studious, and obedient. The other is easily distracted, studious but won’t work if it’s too easy and not so obedient! They balance each other out beautifully and my prayer is that they will grow together, positively in peace. Sometimes you see sibling rivalry when they’re so close in age; I do my best to support them in their individuality so they understand that neither is better than the other, naturally as a parent does. Right now, they’re as tight as siblings can be, best friends and it’s truly heartwarming.
Sacrifice and Work
Parenting is sacrifice and that never stops from my experience. We’re always having to make decisions that put the children first and that can mean compromising our own wants, but you see the payoff in the children. I’d originally intended on doing the usual maternity leave; but with my eldest having health issues I realised there was no way this was going to happen. I wanted to stay at home with them until they were toilet trained and talking and I was successful in that decision.
There was an occasion just before I returned to work where I was really feeling the frustration of being a stay at home Mom. I wanted it, but I missed adult conversation. I missed having a career and basically doing what I wanted, when I wanted. I was looking out of the window one morning and I saw a woman that looked a bit like me, off on her way to what I imagined was her job and I so desired to be her in that moment. It wasn’t too long after that I returned to work myself.
I think I drove my colleagues crazy in the beginning as I literally didn’t shut up! I can see it on reflection; it felt so good to not be conversing with toddlers that I went into overdrive a little. I needed some kind of mental stimulus and the job provided that. I settled down eventually and it turned out to be one of my favourite places ever to work. I didn’t really want to leave but felt I had to as the comfort zone was so deep I could see my Self there in 20 years not knowing how it happened.
Purpose and Motivation
They are my motivation. I desire to give them everything, they deserve it. No matter how difficult the circumstance or road may be, I will achieve that. It’s essential, for me and for them. I love being Mommy, they’re my little best buddies :)