Due to budget cuts, we will be turning off the gravity in the school.

Dear Students, Teachers, and Parents,

The county has decided to cut the budget this year due to a bit of an accident we had at our annual July 4th picnic. This cut isn’t anything to be really worried about, it shouldn’t affect your child’s learning. Due to the loss of money but the fact that this is the 50th anniversary of our school, we won’t be cutting anything related to academics. We did some research and decided it in in ours and your students best interest that we turn the gravity in the school off. Don’t you worry, though, our teachers are more than prepared for this situation and it will not affect your students learning in any way, it may actually improve the environment in the classroom? Since the gravity will be gone your students will have to carry an extra 100 pounds of lead to school every day to keep them grounded during class. We thank you so much for your understanding, if you have any questions please email us at gravityisforlosers@gofuckyourself.com

Sincerely, Marcy Johnson, Head of custodial work.

P.S. we are selling extra tickets to our annual 2 week trip to the Bahamas, we were able to buy more with the gravity gone.