A Letter to My Sister on the Day of Her Abortion

I think the first time our mom heard me say “fuck” was when she told me you were pregnant. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have reacted had you told me yourself. For about the first four hours after hearing the news, I was in shock and disbelief. When it finally became real, I was angry. I didn’t want to be, but I was. As a pro-choice advocate, I knew I would support whichever decision you made. As a pro-choice advocate I believe that consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy, and people are allowed to have (and enjoy) sex. But here I was, mad at you for having sex. I wished you had waited until you were older, like me. I waited for the right person, but it seems like you did too. He just found you at a different time in your life than mine did. And that’s completely okay.

I just wish I had known. I felt like you grew up in the blink of an eye. I thought you were supposed to gush about your first kiss and boys to your big sister. But we skipped all that and now here we are in a situation that no 15 year old should ever have to face. Hell, my hope is that one day there will be virtually no unplanned pregnancies so no one has to face this choice. Accidents happen though, I’m just so sorry it happened to you. I truly thought that if it were to be one out of the three of us (you, mom, and me), it would be me.

I’m so proud of you; this takes a lot of courage. And I’m terribly sorry that your first relationship had to end this way. I think he would have been there to support you today if he could have. At least, I hope he would have. Thank you for letting me come with you (though I think mom may have needed me there more than you did).

I hope you know it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to let yourself feel. But please don’t feel ashamed. You’re not alone, and you’re certainly not a bad person for having an abortion. You are one of the many people who had an abortion in their lifetime and you’re also an incredible person. Those things are not mutually exclusive. I promise I’ll hold your hand until the nurses won’t let me anymore. And when it’s over I’ll hold it all the way home and anytime you need it after.

I love you babe,

Sissy