I’ve held a tight bond with God from a very young age & promised I’d "wait" for marriage. Three weeks after I broke that promise, I became a statistic.
Once a teen mom who received "WIC", I know the burn of the scarlet letter.
As the victim of another’s cold-shouldered sprint, I observed callused treatment from grown women who likely wanted my "choice" to align with theirs’. [Funny thing. Not ONE of them inquired as to what I needed, wanted, wished- not even once did they ask how I felt.]
Was I ok?
(For the record, I was broken-hearted. Sick. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Humiliated. Exposed. Vulnerable. Lonely. Irrelevant. Cheap. And cheapened. Damaged. Fat. Despicable. Concerned. Confused. Ugly. Misunderstood. Hypocritical. Avoided. Shunned. Cast off. Abandoned. Dumped. Slandered. Judged. Deserving. And deserved. Less-than. Slutty. Terminated. Unemployed. And unemployable. Worthless. Lost. Nonexistent. Forgettable. And forgotten. Ignorant. And ignored. Dazed. A failure. And failing. Simple. White trash. Uninteresting. Ordinary. Halted. Unapproachable. Unsalvageable. Segregated. Isolated. Pitied. Unimportant. Uninvited. Unwelcome. Unwanted. Shocked. Patronized. Without dreams. Stereotypical. And stereotyped. Fraudulent. Predictable. And predicted. Shameful. And shamed. Disappointed. And disappointing. Hurt. And hurting. Broke. And broken. Dead. And dying.)
People looked down their noses-woman who were clearly much better than I. They quoted Hallmark words so soaked with condescension I thought they’d choke, their faces so pained with arrogance. Their bodies revealed the truth their egos couldn’t hide. Having this baby was a mistake.
Throughout my pregnancy with M, I experienced (many concurrent) factors, over which women abort their babies.
•I had a problem pregnancy.
•I had a disturbing ultra sound- Dwarfism? •Compatible with life? Viable baby? •(Chromosomal concerns.)
•I lived alone.
•I didn’t have a stable career.
•I was in college.
•I was 19.
•I was a dancer/vocalist/performer in New York.
•No family near.
•Wasn’t near to my savior or close to a community of believers. (My fault.)
•I had preterm labor for months.
•(Would his lungs be ready? Kidneys?)
•I was not married.
•I’m about as selfish as we come.
•I dream big. (That has not changed.)
•I was not prepared. . .
On and on. ...and on. ..
I. Screwed. Up.
And I knew it.
I never considered abortion. It didn’t even cross my mind. Believe it. Or don’t. It’s God’s honest truth.
Speaking as one who has watched & walked- one who’s given & received, this poison- this lip service to the unborn and smug abandonment of their moms- should never, EVER come from those who rally so loudly, vote so proudly & advertise so brightly, "Pro-life".
If we are going to stand the post, we must commit. Otherwise, we are nothing but clanging cymbals.
(I wrote this on my FB post, as I shared your article. I know my experience comes from a perspective unlike yours. However, we seem to share the same mentality. I thank you for your post. It inspired me. I have thought TONS about the topic. But your words really helped me formulate a much more organized concept that will remain with me always. So, thank you for that, too.)