The Awkward Handbook | Entry #0
Remember the time when that one waiter said, “Enjoy your meal!” and you replied: “Thanks! you too!” ? Well they remember, and you’ll never be able to convince yourself otherwise.
Life wouldn’t be the same without moments that keep you up at night, or the endless minutes you spend in the shower trying to convince yourself that the NEXT time you find yourself in a very specific awkward situation that you recently (or worse, years ago) encountered, things will be different!
As a connoisseur and a frequent involuntary participant of such awkwardness, I have decided to share my self-proclaimed expertise in the matter and publish a handbook containing a collection of awkward situations, unintuitive social norms, awkward situations, more awkward situations, and maybe some cringeworthy situations. In my quest to accumulate an ever-growing list of such stories and events, I welcome any and all relevant stories from you all which you may feel belong in this handbook. Leave ’em in the comments and let me know if you’d like them to be added to the next Entry that I publish in a long series of these Entries. Perhaps I can accumulate all the stories and in the end, mail a printed version of the list to the Godfather of socially awkward situations and questioning social norms, Mr. Larry David himself.
By no means are these groundbreaking, but I do think that they deserve to be stated. Here we go:
A classic situation I used to often find myself in. It’s just me, a close friend of mine, and a third person that I am not close with by any means. We’re sitting at a restaurant to grab a meal because I somehow got swindled by my friend to join in. Small talk ensues as one would expect, but it’s still all good, no need to be awkward, I have a close friend here. Just need to smile and let the facade games begin. Now possessing the social anxiety that I do, I would rather our server get my order wrong, than my friend go to the restroom at any time within the duration of our entire stay there 😰 . * Friend inevitably gets up, walks away from the table in the direction of the restroom *. Me to the acquaintance: “Sooooo…. what else is upppp? 😅 ” Awkwardness ensues as one would expect.
Life Pro Tip to Self: Avoid awkward situations like these by never leaving your house ever again. Remember, Amazon Prime delivers groceries now.
This definitely didn’t happen to me but a friend of mine and his wife went out for dinner at a restaurant. Upon not being very satisfied with the service they received, they decided to execute the good ole leave-a-not-very-good-tip-&-dip maneuver. Once they got the check, they signed, wrote the tip amount, and ran like there was a 70% off sale on organic avocados outside. They were half way out the door, when their server chased them down and stopped them 😳 😳. “You forgot your credit card on the table with the check”. *Mortified looks ensue*
Being the socially awkward person that I am, I avoid talking to strangers unless it’s absolutely necessary. And what constitutes as “absolutely necessary” also changes based on how courageous I’m feeling at that particular moment. This is the primary reason I opt for aisle sets on Airplanes because using the restroom almost always gets outranked by the comfort and peace of mind I maintain by not talking to people I don’t know. As a result, aisle seat = I can use the bathroom. Window or middle seat = Hold it in 🙃.
Life Pro Tip to Self: Check in early enough to get aisle, or don’t drink fluids during the two hours preceding flight departure time.
There are endless number of Entries that belong in this journal, but for now, I’ll stop at three. I do not foresee a decrease in the occurrences of awkward situations in my life anytime soon and will continue to publish more as I encounter them.
If you have similar stories to share, please leave them in the comments section below. From what I hear, knowing that someone else has been through the same situation as you can often alleviate pain from the awkwardness. The times that has worked for me = 0 out of the # of times I’ve been in pain from awkwardness.
Thanks for Reading! See you in the next one! :)
