The Stages of Finding Yourself.

(Not Completed. Yet)

Being in a relationship for, let’s say over a year and a half; just eyeballing, can influence a lot in your life. But what happens when you break up and your life is still stuck in relationships mode. That’s when you really start to find yourself, because if it weren’t for that traumatic event there would be no need to re-arrange.

That is where I am at right now. Trying to figure out what I want from life, because before it was so easy, I wanted him. But now I have free reign and that’s why I am bringing to you my thought process after this break up.

Little background here for the curious Curtis’s in all of us (and no his name was not Curtis). So I am young, yes. I am a college student, yes. My boyfriend I met through mutual friends and didn’t attend a University instead had his career already started. Working in a trade of sorts. I broke up with him for that very reason, I wanted more from a partner in life. I am young and restless, I want a fulfilling life and I didn’t want to be held back.

And then the breakup happened and I am in college, having fun but I have never felt more lost in my life. I find myself asking questions like why am I even here. What is my purpose? I don’t even like my major? Should I be getting more from life? Well Fuck.

FIRST STAGE

Pure Confidence. Bitch, I just broke up with my long term BF. I am queen. I can do what I want, when I want and no one is stopping me; holding me back. I am HAPPY.

SECOND STAGE

Okay, happiness wearing thin, moral sinking. I need a pick me up, a man, someone to text me. “Oh hey ex bf, from like 3 years ago”. Ew, no. I didn’t like you then and I sure as shit don’t like you now. Okay, bar scene with my girls. Ah, ew. Okay, well fuck it I am a single lady and I am going to rock it (secretly sadness hits).

THIRD STAGE

WHY HAS HE NOT COME BACK? I am perfect, I am queen, why wouldn’t he come back yet. Well maybe it is cause YOU BROKE HIS HEART, DUMBASS (internal dialog). Inta-stalk time. Oh well you defriended me cool bro. Okay, FB stalk. HAHHAHA. You went from SUGAR (ME) to SHIT (new tattooed girl).

FOURTH STAGE (CURRENT)

I am sad. I have no clue as to why, because I know I am strong and smart and am going places in life, and he and his new squeeze may also be doing that, but for some reason I can’t help but have this overwhelming sense of sadness. And this is the stage where all the questions have been bothering me. I hope there are more stages to come, I hope that I find my niche. I hope I grow tired from caring and can be happy again, like that first stage. I want to feel powerful and confident again.

I am queen…..