This is our time

Hello all, it has been quite some time since I have wrote on here. My mind is going at a speed of a thousand thoughts per second and I have so much to say, but I am not sure how to put it all into words. This past month has been nothing short of incredible. You hear all these stories of success and how if you keep going and don’t give up you will succeed. You feel good inside when you read those stories, but the thought lingers in your mind

Will I ever have one of them?

Well, I am about to tell you mine; the story of how at my lowest point when all hope was lost I rose from the ashes and dammit I am going to succeed.

I saw a job posting over a month ago and thought to myself “what the hell, I will go ahead and apply.” As I applied I went to bed not giving the job a second thought until the next morning when I received a phone call from the employer requesting a phone interview. Again, after the phone call I didn’t linger on any positive thoughts because for one the job was almost 3 hours away, there is no way they would even take me into consideration. However, 15–20 min later I received another phone call from that same employer requesting an in-person interview. As ecstatic as I was I convinced myself that this meant nothing, only a waste of money to fill up my gas tank. After I made the drive up there I knew nothing would happen, just another opportunity for me to be let down. Going inside the building I started feeling this sense of calm and peace and just brushed it off. Personally, I thought the interview went awful, I fumbled over my words and it was obvious to anyone within a mile that I was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. After they got done asking questions the employers left the room and I sat there in silence waiting for them to tell me to leave and I would never see their faces again.

However, life has a way of surprising you and giving you an opportunity when you least expect it.

As they walked back into the room they sat down and offered me the job. While I was still trying to register everything that was going on in my brain I pretty much looked like a fish out of water. As quickly as I could form words I just blurted out

What?

Of course being the person I am I asked them for a couple of days to process this and to let me think over what all I was about to commit too. Even though I know they knew in the back of their mind just as well as I did that I was going to accept the job offer. I left the building with a smile on my face, a smile I hadn’t felt in years and a smile that I know was making my Mom beam with tears of joy.

The next couple of days were a blur, accepting the job, putting in my two week notice and telling those closest to me that I was finally moving on. Moving on to something that both terrified me and excited me at the same time. I was moving on from bad memories, toxic people and constant lonliness. Sure, I was moving to a new area where I didn’t know anyone, but I was also moving to a new area where I could finally find myself and be the person I always knew I was capable of being. I was finally making my dreams a reality and I wanted nothing more than to hug my Mom and tell her how proud I was of myself because I did it, nobody else, but me. I applied for the job, got the job, moved and picked up my broken pieces to put back together and form a newer version of myself….it was all me.

People that know me know that I am not one for compliments or one to brag, but I am about to explode.

I always dreamed of moving and starting fresh, I never knew I had the strength to do it, but now I do. Losing my Mom unleashed all these different parts of me that I never knew existed. I had been sheltered for so long I didn’t know what I was capable of, but now I do. I have accomplished more in one month than most have done in a lifetime. I have conquered my fears and I have done what I always wanted to do and something that most people wish they had the strength to do.

I moved on.

And I cannot tell you how proud I am of myself, if I could give myself a hug without looking like a complete idiot i would. This small town, only child who was a spoiled brat and had her Mom do EVERYTHING for her is now living in the city with a new perspective on life. I feel like I could almost turn my story into a Lifetime or Hallmark movie. With tears in my eyes I can’t stop smiling, it has been a little over a month since I moved and I have got to say I haven’t been this happy in so long, I never thought I would be able to experience this kind of happiness again. With everything going so good I always worry about something going wrong, but no, I am not going to let me pessimistic ways turn my happiness into a tragedy. My life has been a complete roller coaster ride of ups and downs and I plan on making my life go up and stay that way.

So many times I wanted to end my life and before I got this job I think another year I would have been dead. I have always been told that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and in past blogs I have made comments about seeing the light, but now that light is in plan view and I know I will eventually reach it. Of course I am going to have my setbacks, tomorrow I could be wanting to die all over again. However, at least now I have something to look forward to, I have something to reach for. I can finally tell my brain, “hey why do you want to give up now, look at all you have accomplished and all you have yet to do.”

I am so proud of myself and I am so proud of my Mom, she raised a good one and I hope when people see me, my determination and my strength I hope they see my Mom. I am living proof that she did something right as a Mother and I know everyone up in Heaven is giving her a pat on the back and telling her a job well done.

She should be so proud of herself, because I know I am.

Over the holidays as I was telling my family and friends of my new experience I heard the same comment over and over. “I’ve never seen such a genuine smile on your face like that before.” With that being said countless times I knew right then and there that I was destined for great things because I was already heading in the right direction. I will never have to question whether I made the right decision or not, I will never have to wonder what if. If you are reading this and you are questioning whether or not to take that next step then I hope you can take what I have wrote and go forward in reaching your dreams. Let what I wrote be a lesson learned and know that no matter how scary it may be or how hard the process will become, take it from me….it’s worth it. It’s worth the tears, the stress and the hard work, because eventually all that goes away and you are left with a new life and a new you. You don’t won’t to stay where you are comfortable, I did that for too long and when they say the grass is always greener on the other side, trust me my friend. It is.

So take that job, date that person, move away and find peace inside yourself. Don’t let fear stop you, because what is scarier than taking the next step is never taking that opportunity at something that can change your whole life. Be strong and know that God will never give you no more than you can handle and if an opportunity to move on comes along don’t waste it.

You are so much more than you give yourself credit for ❤