Captions For Your Insta-Debut as a Couple That Say “We’re in Love, But I’m Still Funny and Down-To-Earth!”

Because you’re an independent woman.

1.The literal only living human who can tolerate me for more than a minute! (Not damaged because my parents abandoned me as an infant lol!)

2. I told you he’s real, Mom! Unlike the voices I hear in my head every week telling me that I’ll never amount to anything more than you, Mom!

3. I can’t seem to get rid of him! Or my herpes that I haven’t told him about yet!

4. I guess he’s okay! Except when I needed his emotional support during my dog’s hip surgery and he decided to go to Tim’s bachelor party instead. I’m definitely not mad about that still. I’m chill!

5. The rumors are true! And so are the other ones about me being $57k in debt from enrolling at Trump University! Oops!

6. Just me and some guy! Seriously, I’ll choose any of you over my boyfriend. He literally means nothing to me except his value as a breathing sex doll.

7. Me and my gal pal! No, really. That’s my girlfriend, and I’m never going to have a boyfriend because I’m gay. Stop asking about boys, Aunt Linda.

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