The justifications for votes on Brazil's #ImpeachmentDay

Spoiler: they didn't have anything to do with the legal argument for trying to oust the president.

Legislators during the impeachment vote. (Source: PMDB/Creative Commons)

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The vote to impeach Brazil's president began in the lower house of Congress at around 6:00 p.m. yesterday. When I heard the reasoning behind the first vote, cast by Washington Reis (PDMB-RJ), I decided to compile a list of these pearls of wisdom. The decisive vote, number 342, was cast by Representative Bruno Araújo (PSDB-PE) at 11:17 p.m. and it ended the circus: the process now moves on to the Senate.

Now, you decide on the best argument in favor of impeachment:

( ) “For my granddaughter's birthday”
( ) “For the fundamentals of Christianity”
( ) “For the principles I taught my daughter”
( ) “For Bruno and Felipe”
( ) “For my grandson Pedro”
( ) “For the Freemasons of Brazil”
( ) “For the rural farmers, because if these producers don't plant, there's neither lunch nor dinner”
( ) “For the proposal that a child can have a sex-change while in school”
( ) “For an end to profitability for the unemployed and bums”
( ) “For the Quadrangular Family” [an evangelical church]
( ) “For senior citizens and children”
( ) “For an end to getting paid to be a loafer”
( ) “For my dear mom Lucimar”
( ) “For charismatic renovation”
( ) “For Brazilian doctors”
( ) “For an end to the Unified Central of Workers [labor union] and their delinquents”
( ) “For love for this country”
( ) “For the end to those involved in the Petrobras scandal”
( ) “For the progressives in my family, Maria Vitória”
( ) “For the Republic of Curitiba” [which is a city]
( ) “In memory of my father”
( ) “For Campo Grande, the most beautiful brunette in Brazil” [also a city]
( ) “For me to find history once again”
( ) “For gun control laws”
( ) “For the communism terrifying this country”
( ) “For the evangelical nation”
( ) “For the fearless and pioneering people in Rondônia state”
( ) “To rescue the Brazilian people's self-esteem”
( ) “For highway BR 429”
( ) “For my wife, my son and my daughter”
( ) “For Daiane, Mateus and Adriane”
( ) “For all insurance brokers”
( ) “For my daughter Manoela, who isn't born yet”
( ) “For my mom at home who is 93 years old”
( ) “For my grandson and great-grandson”
( ) “In honor of my city's anniversary”
( ) “For my mommy”
( ) “For peace in Jerusalem”
( ) “For Tocantins, the best state”
( ) “In memory of my brother”
( ) “For my wife, who's fighting for her life right now”
( ) “As Olavo de Carvalho says, 'The Workers' Party is going to pull a TL in Brazil: a total loss!”
( ) “For the revenue-generating sector, the agribusiness sector”
( ) “For my son Breno and my beloved São Paulo military police”
( ) “For the soldiers of '64” [who staged a coup and installed a military dictatorship]
( ) “For Sofia and Luna and Guarulhos”
( ) “By the blessings of the great architect of the universe”
( ) “For my grandchildren Guilherme, Eliza and Gabriel”
( ) “For the people who have their name in the SPC” [Brazil's credit bureau]
( ) “So we don't go red like in Venezuela and North Korea”
( ) “For my 78-year-old father who taught me the ways of God's word”
( ) “For Sandra, Érica, Vítor, Jorge and my grandson who's on the way”
( ) “For my son who bears my name, Luis Lauro”
( ) “For my 18-year-old son”
( ) “For the kids from the Free Brazil Movement, for the evangelicals of this nation and against the Party of the Darkness”
( ) “For my grandson Gabriel”
( ) “For my state of São Paulo, governed for 20 years by honest politicians from my party”
( ) “For my 20-year-old daughter”
( ) “For my wife and and daughter, who are my most important voters”
( ) “In honor of my one and only true riches, my daughters”
( ) “For an end to the colonels” [powerful landowners in Brazil's northeast]
( ) “For the soldiers who are retirees and aren't receiving their pensions”
( ) “In honor of my father Roberto Jeferson I vote yes!”
( ) “For Diego and Tati Teixeira”
( ) “For my grandson Luca, who is a child”
( ) “For Carlos Alberto Brilhante Ustra, Dilma's terror” [an infamous torturer during the military dictatorship]
( ) “For the homeless who sleep in the street, are born in the street, and die in the street”
( ) “So that no government stands against the nation of Israel”
( ) “For the horrible development of Baixada Fluminense” [an impoverished area in metropolitan Rio de Janeiro]
( ) “For my sons and my daughters-in-law”
( ) “So that our President Dilma gets an endless vacation”
( ) “For my son Arthur and my daughter Sara”
( ) “For science and technology”
( ) “In name of my nephew”
( ) “For my wife Mariana and my daughter little Mariana”
( ) “Against the Bolivarian dictatorship”
( ) “For truckers”
( ) “For free men and morality”
( ) “For the honor of the people of Minas Gerais [state]”
( ) “For Canção Nova [Catholic radio/TV station], for the Brazilians who take drugs”
( ) “For my aunt Eurides, who took care of me when I was little”
( ) “For you, mommy”
( ) “For the libertarian traditions of Minas Gerais state”
( ) “I forgot to mention my son. For you Paulo Henrique! A kiss for you!”
( ) “For the cancer hospital”
( ) “In honor of the victims of highway BR 251”
( ) “In honor of the Minas Gerais state flag”
( ) “Leliane, my love, for Lorenzo, our son, this vote is for you”
( ) “For the big group” [??]
( ) “I'm leader of the majority, I'm not the leader of the minority.”

I originally posted this list in Facebook:

And an Estadão columnist copied my work without asking permission or giving credit, which is interesting when we're discussing corruption, right?

Translated by Rachel Glickhouse. Translator's note: I tried to translate this list not only based on phrasing but also for cultural context. Given the colloquial nature of many of these, that was a challenge.