Florida has Done Nothing to Make Us Think That’s Not Jim McElwain Naked on a Shark

Let’s talk about the huge dead shark in the room.

Nothing makes Vol Twitter more gleeful than a social media image or video that goes viral regarding one of those schools we hate. And at the top of the list, naturally, is anything that makes the University of Florida Gators uncomfortable. So, when an image that looked like Florida coach Jim McElwain…erm…completely nude and enjoying himself on the deck of a boat with a dead shark surfaced, the shrieks of laughter echoing throughout Vol Nation were loud and piercing.

I mean, sure…which one of us hasn’t made up a mean meme about the Gators? Let’s not forget all the fun we had with the iconic shot of Jalen “Teez” Tabor getting toasted by Jauan Jennings in last September’s 38–28 drubbing in a checkerboarded-out Neyland Stadium. And we all know that Gator Nation has just as many memes and videos about us. In the era of social media fandom, that’s all part of the fun and anyone who’s skilled with a photo editor or music editing can jump right into the dizzying vortex of football Twitter wars and join in the fun.

But here’s where things start to take a bizarre turn.

The University of Florida and its coach have taken the absolute worst possible tactics for dealing with the uproar, and that may have netted them a whole lot more trouble.

The University of Florida may already be out for the summer for all I know. But surely the PR staff responsible for its athletic department’s media interactions didn’t all go out on a deep sea fishing trip at the same time, did it? Unless they did, then UF needs to think about replacing whoever’s in charge of keeping their coach out of trouble because the following response didn’t do McElwain any favors.

Deadspin asked one source that might be in the know: The University of Florida. A spokesperson for the school’s athletics department said that McElwain, who became aware of the photo over the weekend, was not the man in it. “He’s told us it’s not him,” the spokesperson said.

There’s a huge difference between “He’s told us it’s not him” and “it’s not Coach McElwain” psychologically. If the university was going to respond at all, then a curt “That’s not McElwain” dismisses the entire hubbub as unimportant. The language makes it obvious that no, the naked guy grinning on top of those gills isn’t Coach Mac and you’re an idiot for even asking about it.

But “he told us it’s not him” makes the denial subjective. UF’s comment makes it seem to any reporter fishing for more information that the university had to ask McElwain if that’s him baiting the hook and since he denied it, they believe him.

That’s a whole different kettle of fish.

Then, late Tuesday, the controversial picture took on a new dimension. Prior to a speaking engagement, a local reporter on the Gators beat asked McElwain about the picture and the coach managed to make the whole situation worse by swallowing that question hook, line, and sinker:

There’s no better way to make sure a story stays alive than to give it credibility. If McElwain had laughed, or if the UF spokesperson had given some variant of “Are you kidding me? Don’t waste my time.” then I wouldn’t care enough to be writing this story and you wouldn’t be caring enough to read it.

But that’s not what happened.

Instead, the Florida coach seemed both angry and defensive when questioned by beat writer Edgar Thompson — a response that, unfortunately, makes people stop and wonder if maybe, just maybe, that really was McElwain’s bare backside and Duggar-esque grin on that boat.

Our recent history is littered with the corpses of public figures who managed to kill off their careers and credibility because of their inability to effectively deal with a crisis. The fact of the matter here is that if Florida and McElwain hadn’t seemed to validate the connection between the picture and the coach in the first place by responding on any level to the rumors, then the “story” such as it is, would already be over.

But because they did, McElwain was asked personally to respond to the story — and did so in such a defensive manner that now it’s no longer a joke being passed around on college football forums. Now it’s a legitimate story — on Sports Illustrated, Bleacher Report, SB Nation, among others — and people who aren’t invested in hating the Gators as wholeheartedly as those of us on Rocky Top are find themselves thinking, “You know, that smile really does look like his…”

So what does this have to do with UT, you ask? Well, a few things. For one, it certainly makes coming up with Gameday signs a lot easier this fall, doesn’t it?

But then stop and think for a second. There may be an actual reason for those Butchisms we all hate, the canned, rote responses that make reporters’ eyes glaze over and make the rest of us stop paying attention. Butchisms are a defense mechanism against the exact situation Jim McElwain is now struggling within. If Charlie Burris, for example, goes to Butch Jones’s next press conference and asks, “Coach, are there any pictures out there of you in a compromising position with a dead shark?” and Butch responds with some variation of “brick by brick” then Charlie’s not going to give the shark picture any more thought. And, as a result, neither are we.

Coaches are people with emotions, and pet peeves, and bad days just like the rest of us. But they’re also the faces of multi-million dollar revenue generating machines, and what they say — or do — impacts that revenue accordingly. Smart coaches, and the publicity people who advise them, try to find ways to navigate the tricky paths between the public’s need to know and public relations disasters in various ways.

Butch Jones’s method actually annoys the heck out of most of the fans and almost the entirety of the press, but it serves a purpose. That strategy keeps him out from making mistakes when dealing with the press, mistakes along the lines of Jim McElwain answering a reporter’s question about the video in a terse, defensive, serious manner. No one tuned out McElwain’s response to the shark question. Because he was so obviously pissed off, it makes those who see the video wonder if there’s a reason he’s so angry.

And if maybe, just maybe, he had a couple of beers too many on a friend’s boat and decided to do something just a little risque.

If nothing else, though, the picture has been an early summer gift to Vols fans. Florida fans, already smarting after the end of the streak and the endless retweets of Teez-as-toast, find themselves in the unpleasant position of having to deal with the repercussions of a picture of a man who looks like their head football coach getting his groove on with a dead fish. They know they’ll see that image at every single football game this fall, endure it in every single online trollfest with other schools’ fans, and have it seared onto the backs of their eyelids every time they hear the word “shark”.

What Florida fans need to be doing at this point is questioning the competence of the UF athletic department’s media “experts” who have so thoroughly bungled this entire affair to the detriment of their coach, program, and university. And perhaps Tennessee fans can take away a lesson from McElwain’s alleged nude romps with dead sharks. Canned responses to the media can be annoying, but they serve a purpose.

Jim McElwain’s week so far hasn’t been all that great. He’s spent his time since the picture surfaced swimming with the sharks with raw steaks around his neck. It’s been a feeding frenzy, and Coach Mac has been the chum. Maybe he should have taken a page from Butch Jones’s book.

Sure — using mantras can open up a whole new can of worms, but at the end of the day that’s got to be a lot better than being sharkbait.