Lorna’s Death Taught Me About Money And Life
As I was driving to the gym recently, I heard the song, “Hey Jealousy” by the Gin Blossoms come on the radio.
It reminds me of the time my childhood friend Lorna and I took a trip to California together, and we drove around in my aunt’s sports car blasting that song down the freeway.
At the time I was a freshman in college and she was a sophomore. We started off as roommates, but she eventually left our university to study closer to home.
We kept in loose touch over the years, as our moms are still very close friends, but because we lived on opposite ends of the country, I only got to see her about once a year.
But she was always there when it counted, like the time my mom nearly died from double pneumonia, and when my brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. Fortunately, both my mom and brother survived.
In 2008, I was laid off from my job of eight years. On top of that, the guy I thought I was going to marry dumped me several months earlier, so there was a good amount of time I was feeling sorry for myself, and drinking way too much cheap wine. But eventually I started coming around, and took up beach volleyball, which pulled me out of my darkness.
2008 was also not a great year for Lorna, as she was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer.
I remember my mom calling and telling me that when Lorna, who was a surgical nurse, was diagnosed, she walked out to the parking lot of the doctor’s office and crumbled to the ground, sobbing.
The news shattered me, as I could not comprehend how this girl, the one who was voted “nicest person” by her graduating class, could have such a terrible disease.
I got to visit her shortly after her diagnosis on a trip home, when our moms took us out for a spa day. At the spa, we filled out a general form, and she noted that for the first time she had to circle “yes” to having cancer. A statement that made me numb. In fact, I think overall I tried to avoid bringing up the “C” word during my visit as not to upset her, but I realize in retrospect, that was more for me, not for her.
Perhaps she noticed, because, later she called me up on the phone, and this is where I had a complete perspective change on life.
You see, so much of my life was going through the motions and being mindless, and not appreciating everything good that was happening to me. As a new, struggling freelancer, I was focusing so much on what was going wrong, and how I always felt broke.
In our conversation, she told me that she admired me. I was floored, as I was feeling like a bit of a loser in life. She recounted all of the cool experiences in my life over the last twenty years: trips, taking up surfing, trying new classes, and packing up and moving from Detroit to Seattle without knowing a single person.
She said that I was brave and adventurous, and she wished she had been more like me. I hung up the phone and lost it.
In October 2009, just before my 39th birthday, Lorna passed away. I got to see her one last time the week before on a visit back home, and I made a silent promise to myself that I would never take life for granted, nor any experience good or bad, ever again.
Because of my new perspective, I see money differently too. Money is a tool to use wisely. To spend on experiences, not stuff. To use it on things you most value.
I also realize that no matter how financially strained I sometimes feel, I have so much in my life to be grateful for, like my health.
Thank you Lorna for that lesson.
