" I missed you the other day", he regretted that he struggled to say the words out loud but maybe she’d see it as descriptive rather reluctance. He didn’t know how she’d take it and that was their main problem,never knowing how the other would handle the truth. That often leads to training yourself to withhold and eventually to lie. It’s just easier that way and human nature is finding the easiest way to do something. He heard her shift positions,sitting up the way you do when you have something important to say over the phone as if posture adds weight to what you are about to say. " Awww, I missed you too. I wanted to call but I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me yet". Did she mean that? Did he believe that? That was another problem that develops when two people dance around what they really want to say, never knowing what’s real and what’s performance.
“You could have called me any time if you’d wanted to”, that last bit was passive aggressive and he knew it but he also knew why he said it. He was lying. If she had called at 10am when he woke up she would have been cursed out because he woke up hurt and angry. A few hours later he would have given her anything she asked for had she called. Thirty minutes prior to this call,most likely sent to voicemail because he would have cried if he had the nerve. The full spectrum of love’s bullshit in one Saturday that wasn’t even half over. “You don’ mean that…I was scared of what you’d say”, She shifted again and he could see her sheets in his head. Pale blue paisley stripes over a dark blue background.
How many times had he laid there with her?
What wouldn’t he do to be there now?