Meeting a Truly Defundamentalized Muslim
Red & Blue Forever TV –- RBF-TV Channel 420 — has gained a new prominence since the 2016 American presidential election. It prides itself as the network to get true insights into the Muslim fundamentalist mind.
RBF-TV’s star “Boom” Bumbleberg excels in the art of combining the talents of right-wing luminaries such as Anne Coulter, Brigitte Gabriel, who founded ACT for America, and Rush Limbaugh.
Today, in his studio, Boom has invited someone whom he introduces as a “truly defundamentalized Muslim.”
The screen of RBF-TV Channel 420 is filled with flames and smoke as images of 9/11 fade to Paris and Manchester. The sound of blasting bombs fills the air. As the smoke clears, the sound breaks into the music of a marching band, and Boom emerges wearing his trademark red and blue tie.
“Folks! Our civilization is under threat and RBF-TV 420 continues its crusade to present to you the true insights into the Muslim fundamentalist mind.”
As Boom takes a sip of coffee, the screen is filled by a commercial for F-77GF jets, emitting red and blue smoke trail, marked with the slogan: Dominating the World in our Right.
Boom reappears seated with his guest, whom he introduces as Taz Fawker.
“Today we have with Taz … Taz Fawker, a truly defundamentalized Muslim. He’ll be sharing with us insights into the Muslim fundamentalist mind.”
“Thank you Boom. My parents had named me Tasvir Fikar, which is a rather poetic name. They were not poets but had poetic inclinations.
“By the way, you know that the Indians have their peculiar English. Like they think that the letter ‘A’ is for ander-ware … You get the drift! And I am very popular with the Indian establishment, so in India, I am Taraknath, which is Lord Shiva, Fanishwar, which is the Lord of serpents, Vasuki. So it is Taraknath Fanishwar in India.
“Boom one of the problems with these fundos is that they stick to their old world names.”
“Taz, you mean the Moslem radical fundamentalists! So we in the West must be wary …very wary of these guys who stick to their world names.”
“Indeed Boom. Yes, all of us have an obligation to protect our beautiful western civilization from these fundos.
“I was born in sort of … rather a Muslim home. Not only they gave me this name, but put me through genital mutilation without my consent so I may look Muslim.
“Boom, the great Sir Salman … as they would call him in England, Salman Rushdie in his Satanic Verses wrote that Islam has too many rules.
“Boom, one of most prevalent trait among these fundos is praying five times a day. And before each prayer, they must perform ablution, which is called wudu in Arabic.”
“Oh … you mean wudu like voodoo!”
“Boom, again the rules. The voodoo thing falls apart on so many accounts, even passing gas. So you pass gas, you do wudu, you pee, you do wudu, and on and on.
“Taz, this wudu thing involves water. So with 1.6 billion of those Muslims doing voodoo, at say couple of gallons each time. Jesus Christ! It is 1.6 billion using 10 galls a day to just wash off after passing gas!”
“Boom, imagine the lawns and pools that this water can serve.
“And Boom, you know that in their mosques, their temples, these fundos make men stand in the front and women behind.
“Taz, I presume the fundos have organized their temple this way because they don’t want you focusing on say a Kim Kardeshian like bottoms instead of focusing on their god … this Allah.
“And the fundos don’t let you drink. Christ!”
“Imagine. Boom these fundos want to kill America’s $800 billion drinks segment.”
“Taz, this Sharia thing!”
“Indeed Boom, this Sharia is the limit. Let me just give a small example. Under this Sharia, at the time of the wedding, the groom has to give his wife a gift, which they call mehr. Yuck! I mean instead of this mehr thing, the guy could get her bigger rock for her finger. Or, take her to Vegas for games…”
“Yes, Vegas … they might come home as multimillionaires! Taz you are saying that these fundos hate our diamond industry too… like this is a $60 billion industry providing job and taxes.”
“Boom, not just that these fundos don’t let men wear gold, or silver or silk.”
“Are you kidding Taz! I bet these fundos are in league with the sackcloth industry. I will let the FBI look into it.”
“Boom, this is why fundos are a menace to our way of life. We got to stop ‘em.
“Taz, you are so right. No gold, no, silver, no diamonds, and no silk … just water for the voodoo.
“Thank you Taz for coming here this evening … It has been a pleasure being with a truly defundamentalized Muslim.”