Married, Depressed, Fat, Rinse/Repeat
I’m going to start this off by saying I am not politically correct. I am an asshole. I understand this more than anyone and using the word fat is going to cause every millennial reading this to petition medium.com to remove my article. Go for it, from what I’ve learned during my divorce, it usually means I’m doing something right and against the norm.
Now for the story, I was married at 28, divorced at 42, 3 kids and during the last 5 years of my marriage, I was hovering around 28% body fat (aka obesity). My now ex wife was hovering around 45–50% body fat. I started working out, dropped down into the teens for fat percentage and she continued to grow like violet in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. I started to question if every married person who was fighting obesity was depressed and from what I could see, then answer is YES.
We’ve all seen the meme running around w/ the groom kissing the bride and the text reads “Now I can get FAT”. What? you haven’t seen it, let me help you…
I just can’t believe I sustained as long as I did in a relationship that was so obviously bad for myself and my ex wife (who in the year post divorce has dropped down to about 30% body fat btw). I get that this story thus far may seem single sided but the same holds true for males. Life is too short to be “unhappily fat ever after” and so over weight that you can barely play with your kids. My suggestion: learn to get a handle on the foods you eat; I’ll get you started…
- Stop drinking soda
- Stop eating anything fried
- Stop eating anything creamy (ranch, gravy, etc)
- Stop eating fast food (if there is a drive through, don’t eat there)
- Start running. 30 min 3 times a week is not a big lift.
- Start taking the stairs. Your legs work, use them until you are so old that you can no longer use them.
My experience is that if you find a type of exercise that you enjoy doing (running, cycling, swimming, hiking, etc) then it feels less like working out.
Lastly, find a good family marriage counselor. One that is not afraid to suggest that maybe divorce is the right thing for both of you. I can promise you it will be hard but worth it in the end.
Since my divorce, I’ve found an amazing woman that supports me as much as I support her. She’s my best friend and my 3 kids now see how a healthy and loving relationship is supposed to be.