I’m at a bit of a crossroads here (in writing this response).
The instinctive part of me wants to just throw in a response, you know, ‘coz that’s the best way to create a balance. A rapport.
[It’s also a philosophical tendency — I always tended to think that ‘honesty’ or ‘purity’ couldn’t survive construction, and so for a long time: I only ever trusted ‘the moment’].
The mulling part of me… wants to wait a while, for more things to come together... either in my head or in the ‘exterior’ medium world.
[I kinda/sorta have been waiting for that to happen, and it kinda/sorta resulted in this, which is kinda/sorta not my usual style…and it kinda/sorta also is…]
If anything I’ve read about you is accurate, and the way your mind works…Mr ‘Prosist’… it’s that, although you can appreciate the ‘instinct’ in others…you consider yourself firmly in this < > category.
Am I correct, or just putting words in your mouth?
Talking to you is more like planning a conversation in a novel, then any convention of ‘normal’(Thats a high compliment, because its a weird one. Never trust a normal compliment). Two intricate characters, now constructed — sit outside of my head. One character says something, and it floors me, because of its nuance…and I can’t just make the other character reply.
I have to sit.
I have to think.
I have to wait.
I think I know what the character means, but I don’t want to be presumptuous.
I have to remind myself, that the way that the one character thinks and says things, is so far removed from the way that the other character thinks and says things, that trying to fit them both in my head at the same time will get them(and myself) confused.
I have to wait for the tide to roll back, so that I can switch head-spaces and go from ‘understanding’ the one characters mind, to ‘responding’ to that characters mind from my own perspective. Then, from there, through revision and reflection I can mold that to better represent the second characters response. I am no longer totally at the whim of instinct.
The reason I am going to such inane lengths to spell this out, is because I want to show: although we come ‘from different backgrounds’ or ‘have different methodologies’… our destination is actually more similar than you or I may think(I am speaking to myself as much as I am to you).
Just like constructing a conversation in a novel, about two characters that one cares deeply about, I find conversing with you: hair-raising because of the personal investment, but otherwise really satisfying.
Thanks for your constructing narrative piece.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.
[Likewise with the ‘organized panic/troll baiting’ stuff].
I am greatful for your interaction — I couldn’t even imagine it if I tried.