Days 22 – 28: the Italian Job (2000+ Kms)

Day 23: 75Kms with a flying visit through Pisa. Like any good tourist I took a few pictures of the leaning tower of Pisa, photobombed a few people, then we set off again.

(The tower was smaller than I expected)

Before you ask, no, I didn’t take a stupid selfie of me leaning or pushing against the tower, that stuff’s stale.

Plus my selfie stick is still in the post :-(

Day 24: 75Kms.

Imagine a hollow metal bat. It’s rusty, but still packs a punch.

Now imagine that bat thumping you on the butt for about 10 minutes non-stop.

That’s what cycling the streets of Florence felt like. The pavement is littered with cobblestones that absolutely hate suspension-free bikes.

We climbed a massive mountain and made the huge mistake of stopping for a feast. Starters made up of hams, Pasta, chicken, fries, local beer, wine, a fruity cream desert…

The last 35Kms were NOT forgiving. We barely made it and as I type this I’m sprawled out on my sofa bed dealing with the aftermath of a food coma.

Here’s my dad 1 minute after lunch:

Defeated.

Day 25: 75Km. More rain, loads of wind and more climbing.. But still managed to make it to the hotel by 1 in the afternoon. Overjoyed doesn’t even cover my reaction when I saw signs for a wellness centre (Massages! Sauna!)

.. Unfortunately due to lack of clients it was all shut.

Day 26: 40Kms. We thought there’d be loads of mountains (there weren’t) so we got to the medieval town of Gubbio at lunch. With a couple of job interviews looming on the horizon, it’s important to prepare. That includes role play with seafood.

Also be careful if ever you cycle through Italy. You might go past the village that troglodytes came from:

Back to Gubbio – it even has a step-in cage that takes you 300 metres up. The real payoff isn’t the views.. It’s the trashy cafe at the top that serves beer and has Justin Bieber playing on one of those lame music channels.

Day 27: 40Kms (I could get used to these easy days!) Another short one, and although we almost landed on another motorway – only had to turn back 50 metres – it was pretty easy.

What wasn’t easy was trying to digest a pasta meal with a pesto-impestor! The stuff tasted like a combination of burnt charcoal (the best kind) and sadness. No amount of fromaggio could cover the awful taste.

Bring me the upcoming gyros instead! 2 days, baby!

Day 28: 75Kms, the ultimate challenge.

We wanted to grab a ferry that afternoon, the latest at 2PM. It would take us from Ancona to Patras – Italy to Greece.

With time as our nemesis we decided to try and beat the clock – and get to Ancona in time to buy our tickets for that day. Ancona is a bit of dive, so the prospect of missing the boat and having to stay there was terrible.

We absolutely bombed it.

So did the Italian HGV/trucks on the same road.

We were dripping with anxious sweat beads. Hands firmly gripping our coarse-taped handlebars. Senses amplified akin to that of a hawk’s by anxiety. The wind was like an elemental whip telling us to turn back.

But like the fellowship of the ring, we battled forward against Mr Time aka: Flava Flav.

The worst part was the final Italian tunnels. Half the lights were out, the road left little spare room for overtaking (us), and the drivers seemed crazed. Some would even sound their horns, expecting their piercing audio middle finger to speed us up.

I honestly clenched up a few times as the thought of getting rammed by a truck seemed very real. If ever you cycle Italian tunnels, wear a high vis jacket. Or hitch a ride in a truck.

Five tunnels later we made it out of the mountainous region, the clock still ticking. The coffee break and regular Whatsapp checking by my dad tested my patience.

The hour was approaching (it was almost 12) as we entered Ancona.

Did we make it in time? Did tickets remain to travel the sea? Like a cheeky Lance Armstrong, did we trick fate, and make it to the ferry in time?

.. Or did we have to admit defeat and check-in to the kind of hotel Freddie Krugger would vomit at the thought of?

To be concluded in Chapter 3:

Get Him To The Greek