Be an adult. Or not.
I saw this quote in a frame on a wall at a friend’s place. It made me smile, and wonder about what is being an adult.
We were once kids. Well, I don’t know about you, but at least I was a kid. I’m from a middle class western European family, second of 2 boys. Kids like me don’t have many responsibilities and worries. I still remember the shock it was when my parents started asking me to help with setting up the table before dinner and cleaning the table after dinner. What a bummer. I hoped it was a one-time thing. And then I hoped it was a two-times thing. And then I hoped it was not gonna last long. At some point I had to accept the fact that it was permanent. The end of my worriless existence. Life would never be the same. I henceforth had… responsibilities.
Responsibilities
Being an adult can be seen as being responsible.
Financial responsibility: providing for yourself, and other people. Work and money management, basically.
Administrative responsibility: tax returns, utilities, insurance, social security, and many other funny things…
Caring responsibility: caring for others (kids, parents, relatives, friends…) in their everyday life, and occasionally when they need it.
Our brain of hunter-gatherer is not really made for that. Especially the admin stuff. It’s not a surprise if some people are overwhelmed. Myself I’m on the edge of it.
Actions and consequences
Being an adult can also be seen as taking responsibility for your actions. Understanding the consequences and accepting them. This aspect has more to do with one’s ethics and values.
Note that it’s not necessarily related to age. Some grown-ups can’t handle the consequences of their actions, and reject the responsibilities onto others, while some kids are actually able to understand and face the consequences of their actions.
A broader perspective
This idea is from a friend of mine, but I agree with her perspective.
Many people tend to blame external factors for what happens in their life, they place themselves as victims. Being an adult is to take ownership of our mistakes and their consequences, and to stop blaming our childhood, society, or other external factors.
What about being a kid?
So let’s say I am an adult according to the 2 previous paragraphs. Does this mean that I am not a kid anymore?
Well for sure my worriless life is gone. But is little Charly gone too? I liked him!
The moments when I’ve dealt all my responsibilities, can’t I be the kid I once was?
Or even better, when dealing with some of the duties, can I be the kid I once was?
Actually, it’s up to me. No one stops me from dancing and singing while cleaning the house. No one stops me from enjoying the bike ride to my friend’s place instead of rushing it. No one stops me from running like Phoebe and Rachel in Central Park.
I want it all
I want to be an adult, because it’s my values, I face the consequences of my actions. But I also want to be a kid, a kid because it’s a lot more fun than being a boring adult. Too often, too many times, I forget little Charly and I let worries drag me into being a boring adult. What I don’t want is all the admin stuff, but apparently I have no choice if I want to live in this modern society. So OK, I can take it.
I just have to keep my mind clear, not let those responsibilities obscure it like clouds. And also, I shall not let the judgment of other people stop me from having fun and a being a kid. These are 2 habits, deep-rooted after years of practicing them. But I can change them. It’s up to me.
