Does being single mean there’s something wrong with me?

Have you ever judged your self worth by whether you were in a relationship or not? I have, and as society grows more and more focused on relationships so are more and more people.

My first memory of judging myself because of this was when I was 11. We went on a camp and at the end of that week there was a disco and everyone had to go with a partner of the opposite gender. We had to go to the teachers and tell them who we wanted to go with and they’d pair us up (probably their reward for putting up with us for a whole week). However before we did so one of my male friends came up to be and looked me in the eye and said “if you ask to go with me I’ll never speak to you again”. At the age of 11 I was firmly convinced that all boys were morons and why would I want to go with any of them, but when my friend said that to me my first thought was ‘what’s wrong with me’.

It gets more difficult around the ages of 15/16 when people start to be in ‘serious’ relationships for the first time. Crushes start to take over lives and all people want to talk about is who likes who. Several of my friends get into relationships with older boys and suddenly seem sophisticated and cool, while I still think that when it comes to dating them, all boys are morons.

However it’s harder still to reach 18 years old and never to have kissed someone. My first kiss was not till 3 months before my 19th birthday and I’ll admit, there were times when I had wondered what was wrong with me, why did no one want to kiss me. My friends were talking about having sex, and how they were going to make relationships work long distance for uni. I had been asked to date someone once, as a joke.

I imagine that it gets harder to be single and not wonder if you’re somehow broken as you get older, as friends start getting engaged and settling down. So many people put pressure on finding someone at university and then building a future together. Or worry about hitting 30 without being married. The pressure to be in a relationship so that you’re normal is very high.

I’m gonna say it now: your value as a human being is not based on whether you are in a relationship. It is not based in whether or not other people find you attractive. If you are unashamedly who you are and doing what makes you happy then relationships do not matter one bit. If you end up in one then that’s fab and enjoy it, but if you don’t then who cares? You’ll never be unloved or lonely, with family, friends, even pets.

You are a talented, incredible human being and you don’t need someone else to make you whole.

When a lot of pop music focuses on being in love and finding bae, here is my favourite song supporting my message: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AwaA85nEbE

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