Mixed Race People Get a Lot of Ignorant Questions and Comments
These are the Things you Should Stop Saying to Multicultural People
“You say you’re mixed, but not biracial,” an acquaintance once said to me, “Are you saying that because you’re more than just two races? Because I am very likely more than biracial, but I identify as Latinx because that’s the family and culture I’m closest to.”
Their question was an honest one, but their reasoning — and apparent motive — left an air of judgment over our conversation. I identify, generally, as both white and mixed because it’s fast-and-easy, and I don’t feel the need to be specific 100 percent of the time. However, when I’m asked to be more specific I identify as a quadracial Melungeon American woman. I dislike getting more specific from there, because I generally just don’t like long, chatty conversations — but I digress. The acquaintance I quoted in the first paragraph — another white passing mixed woman — was questioning me on my own ethnicity because, like her, I look white. Her questioning of my ethnicity was based on her own self identification as a biracial person, even though she admittedly believed that her ethnic background was likely more diverse than simply two races.
Was this person implying that I should just call myself biracial? Was she implying that I should just “pick a race” and identify with the one that is closest to me? While I don’t really feel like this person was trying to be rude or mean to me, their comments and questions went in line with a lot of the things that get said to mixed race people in general — things that aren’t really helpful or necessary.
Being mixed race comes with different experiences for different people, but more often than not we’re all faced with an abundance of ignorant questions and insulting comments — many of which are dressed up as wide-eyed wonder or innocent curiosity. As I previously stated in this article about being Melungeon, race is a seriously volatile topic of discussion — especially in the United States. Every mixed-race person eventually navigates ignorant comments and questions about their identities at least once in their lives. Whether you look mixed or look like only one of the ethnicities that make up your background, you’ve probably heard at least one of these comments or questions before. The following is a collection of some of the insensitive things that have been said to me, or that I’ve witnessed being said to other mixed race people.
“You don’t look mixed,” or “You don’t look like (insert race here)”
I’ve yet to find an answer to what “mixed” is supposed to look like, considering that everybody is different and there are endless ways in which a person’s family can become mixed. Saying this to a mixed-race person, regardless of their appearance, may not seem insulting — but at the very least it makes a lot of people uncomfortable. It’s also just an unnecessary statement that is usually based on stereotypes.
In my own personal experience, people have actually brought up Melungeon stereotypes in order to analyze my physical appearance. Someone has even gone so far as to tell me that I couldn’t possibly be Melungeon, because “Melungeons are tall, dark-skinned and blue eyed.” This is among some of the countless stereotypes about the physical appearances of Melungeon people, many of which come from outdated, racist writings — or photos from the 1800s and early 1900s of merely one or two Melungeon families that are found in Google image results.
Mixed race people of any combination of races deal with comments like these from time to time. Unless you’ve been specifically asked by a mixed person, to tell them what you think they look like, it’s really just rude to volunteer the observation. We are all personally aware of our own appearances, and being told that we don’t look like what we are doesn’t really achieve anything.
“We’re all mixed-race. Everyone comes from Africa!”
The people who say this are often quite pleased with the wisdom they’ve imparted, like they’re the only ones who know that all of humankind is believed to have originated in Africa some six million years ago. While it’s true that we all came from Africa millions of years ago, that doesn’t have a single thing to do with being mixed race now, in modern times. When you say this to someone who says they’re mixed race — especially someone who hasn’t explicitly said they’re part Black — you’re disregarding their identity. I promise you that no mixed-race person is claiming to be mixed race based on a six million year old ancestor — and if they are, they’re likely just being facetious.
“But both of your parents are (insert race here). How are you mixed?”
I wonder if people who ask this question realize that parents also have parents. It may also surprise them to learn that grandparents tend to have parents as well. This is a rude thing to say to someone for multiple reasons. For one thing, it implies that someone isn’t mixed race unless they’re the immediate product of an interracial relationship — and that isn’t correct. It also wrongly assumes the racial identity of one of said person’s parents. Furthermore, it also ignores the possibility that they person you’re saying this to may be adopted and the parents you’re referring to aren’t their biological family. It’s best to just not make these kinds of comments to someone at all.
“You should identify with the culture that you’re closest to.”
This is something that falls along the same lines as telling mixed race people to “pick a side.” And like other unsolicited comments to mixed race people this one ignores adopted people or folks who have been otherwise removed (against their will or knowledge) from their own culture. This also encourages multicultural people to abandon their heritage in order to choose a label that is more comforting to other people. In other words, saying this to anybody — whether you believe they’re mixed race or not — is essentially telling them to pick an identity that comforts you. That’s pretty selfish.
“If you have any light skin privilege you shouldn’t call yourself mixed.”
Yes, that one has been said to me — and I’ve also witnessed other white-passing mixed people being fed this line. There are so many reasons why this is an upsetting thing to say to a multicultural person, and many of those reasons require their own separate articles to break-down and address. At the very least, this is a statement that attempts to strip someone else of their own heritage based on nothing more than the color of their skin. And like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, it’s an attempt at making you cut yourself down to a size that is easily digestible to someone else.
Light skin privilege and white privilege exist. These are real, legitimate concepts that benefit fair complected people whether we want the benefits or not. These are real, legitimate concepts that negatively impact darker skinned people of different races. The ability to identify as white or white passing and mixed race, alone, are privileges that darker skinned people are not afforded — and so it is understandable for there to be tension regarding this topic. Nonetheless, none of us choose our own ancestries — not even white passing folks. As long as you’re not using your identification as a mixed person in order to talk over BIPOC voices, then you’re doing no harm by existing as someone with a lighter complexion.
When someone treats you that your very existence as a mixed-race person is somehow stifling their own existence, it is clear that they’re directing their anger in the wrong direction.
“Okay, but how mixed are you?”
This is basically a way of asking you your blood quantum, and it’s gross. Unless the topic of discussion is specifically about DNA and percentages, this isn’t something to ask someone who identifies as mixed race — regardless of what racial identity they choose. Truth be told, it is usually white people who ask this sort of question, and it implies that the default race is white — or some blend of white European. This is just offensive.
Blood quantum is a concept that was invented by white people in order to enforce discriminatory laws on Native Americans and their descendants, as well as African Americans. While it’s one thing to figure out your own genetic admixture through DNA tests, it’s nobody else’s place to put percentages on your ethnicity.
