I took a walk through the past
Where my writing was pure and untainted
Where everything was sincerity
Where my driving force was located
As it dawned on me, the initial drive long died
I understood the difference and growth
But also the lies I told
I lost her in the struggle for survival
I lost the passionate writer
And brought back a soulless being
I killed the best part of my life
Even if I cry a bucket
I doubt I'll bring her back to face this life
I'm sure I knew when she died
But maybe it took me a year to realise
That she was no longer available
It took one year of lies to bury her
Where no one will find
I killed the happy writer
An unforgivable sin
Even if I forgive them
Will I ever be able to forgive myself
The lock is there but the key is long rusted
I buried the happiness with her
A fresh understanding of the negativity
A fresh blow of reality of why they never connect
I killed the only connection I had to life
This explains the anger and soulless handwork
The beauty of it all died with her
That explains the constant I quit that rams in my head
I wanted to kill them all but I had a chance
The one I didn't see, the one I lost before I even saw it
The only chance to give honour to her dying soul
Now it made sense, why everyone connected to the handwork I labelled trash
They could see her and I couldn't
They could feel her through every word I couldn't
I can't blame them because I knew when she died
I misplaced our priorities and lost track of her importance
I killed her the only friend I had for years
The only companion that understood me
I went after the gifts and fame that never came and lost her without a wink
I killed the only humane part of her
The only part that was always there
Sadly, I took one year to find out about her death when I killed her.
