On dating men with “potential”
Christy White

I’m writing this from the other side of the road… I’m what you could consider a “man with potential”, only because I’m a 32 year-old man that has not accomplished anything really great in my lifetime. I don’t have an apartment of my own, I don’t have a car (I honestly prefer to ride the bus, I dislike traffic jams) and I don’t have a steady job (I’m a freelance translator, writer and freelance PR specialist). I don’t own a company, nor do I have a yacht in a marina. I’m just your average guy living off rent in a small apartment and paying my bills. I’ve got a university degree and I’m in the process of publishing my first novel.

If I’m already pouring my heart out, I think I might have given up on dating alltogether. I’ve met so many women thinking that since I am not what you would call a successful person (in today’s standards of having a steady job and other material stuff) I’m not “couple material”. And the worst part is: Every time I get rejected, I lose a bit more of my self esteem. My self esteem is at an all time low at the moment, and I’ve honestly lost hope on finding love out there. I don’t even bother anymore. I’ve been told by my last girlfriend: If only you lived up to your potential…But guess what? Men usually live up to their potential when the woman next to them is right there, supporting them. We have such sayings like “Behind every great man, there’s a great woman” and “I am what I am thanks to my woman(wife/couple/whatever you want to call it)”. And it is such truth… We men are taught to be strong, and able, and financially independent, and basically to be the stepping stone from where you will build a house. But the issue is that we will only build the house, when we have someone to share it with… Someone that is right there saying “this is for us, honey”. Someone that will show us our wrong ways, point them out, and then talk them over. And listen to when we point out the mistakes in them. It is not a coincidence that the strongest couples are the ones that talk everything out as soon as it pops up. They don’t let it boil up inside. And in that sense, there’s no better support than when someone is right there in your ups and downs. Not only that, I’ve seen men turn away from drinking and drugs thanks to the great women next to them.

So, perhaps another way to see this problem of yours, of always looking for “broken” men, is another way of your mind telling you “You can support this guy and get the best out of him”. The main problem is: Are you willing to be the woman that man needs in his life?. We’re social animals. We need to feel loved, and the way men feel loved is by support. Most women hate it when men are your typical “mama’s boy”, but have you ever thought that the reason he’s probably a mama’s boy is because he has never felt real support in his life? That the only person that truly embraces them, is the mother? And I’m not saying this because I am one, far from it, but I’ve seen some of my female friends saying how they hate that, to which I respond a not-so-popular answer: “Maybe you’re not being supportive enough for him to let go of his mom”.

Anyways, I do agree that some problems, like alcoholism and drug abuse, are not something you would manage in a daily basis. And since you did have experience with that, then it may be the one thing you don’t want to handle. And the worst part is: you may be the one person with experience to do so… not by “hiding” the booze, or by putting AA pamphlets around the house, but by DOING. Someof the men I know that turned away from alcohol abuse, did so because their wives supported them along the way, from the AA meetings to the rehab clinic. We are nothing without supporting couples behind us…

Sorry for the long post, but it seems to me there’s always two sides to every story…

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