How To Be Happy — Part 3: Pursuits
I’m Bored, Let’s Do Something NEW!
Whenever I teach about pursuits I begin by discussing The Hedonic Treadmill. This theory suggest that we have a base level of happiness that we tend to revert to no matter what. When good stuff happens, we get a temporary spike in happiness, and the opposite slump with “bad stuff”. After time, however, we come back to the green line below.
I personally find this theory depressing because it suggests that we are in a trap and cannot escape! Rather than accept this fate, I think we can bolt for freedom via variety.
Research shows that people who try new things, just outside their comfort zone, experience a sense of happiness from the challenge, and novelty. The brain is stimulated by surprise and the only way fall out of the hedonic-trap and get a “thrill” is to try something new!
Be careful to go just outside of your comfort zone, however, as this is where the sweet-spot of productivity is…..go too far and your performance will plummet. Check out this bloke above, I suspect he is having a fun time learning!
What Are Some Examples Of Variety?
- Learning a New Game, a New Sport.
- Travelling Somewhere Unfamiliar.
- Enjoying the “Fun of Failure”.
- Trying a New Cuisine.
- Learning a New Hobby.
But There’s a Paradox…
The enigma is that we need both variety and certainty. If our pursuits have too much variety then we lose our sense of gravity, whereas too much certainty feels boring. So how do we solve this conundrum and sort out the things we need to be certain about?
Well, let’s examine two types of certainty that can bring us pleasure.
- Planning a Vacation or Break Can Improve Your Happiness…studies have demonstrated that the highest spike in happiness comes often during the planning of a holiday. This makes sense to me because there is enjoyment in the anticipation, and there is also the social connection of planning this with your friend or loved one (assuming you are not going solo). You have the excitement of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and can feel that sense of certainty that there will be love, rest, and play!
2. Planning Experiences Will Bring You More Happiness Than Things…It’s been shown that objects bring less happiness than experiences, especially experiences that you share with other people.
- Experiences can be relived and shared for years.
- Experiences are more unique than objects.
- Experiences are social and we are social animals.
So what kinds of experiences can I do?
Well, that’s down to your taste, your relationships, and your creativity, but start by asking yourself creative questions and perhaps trying something new. Can you see how we begin to blend the variety of new things with the certainty of planning it, and sharing it with another person?
Now Let’s Talk About Giving Back
Fulfilment comes when we are serving other people. It is that wonderful feeling of knowing that, today, you contributed. You genuinely helped someone.
I love the quote from Martin Luther King Jr. — “everybody can be great, because everybody can serve”. It shows us that we don’t need to have money, a PhD, or any special status to serve. Instead, we need a good heart and to do things of service and love toward others.
We can give back to our friends, family, and community. Indeed sometimes it good to start at home, and see what you can do for those closest to you. If your friend is going through a tough time, needs some help on their house, whatever it is, be there for them. Take the initiative, and don’t ask permission to step-up. Show them that you care by doing something of use.
At the level of community, consider how your actions either make the world a worse or better place. I know this sounds silly, but I often begin with picking up a glass bottle in the park because I know a child could otherwise get hurt by it. When it comes to charity, volunteering is a great way to donate your skills and time if you don’t have the money. Conversely if you are time-poor and money flush, then whip out that wallet and make a contribution!
The happiness that giving back provides us is partly about recognition and relationship, but also about the unsung. The unsung gratitude is something you can feel within yourself, and I know you know what I am talking about.
Making Sure Your Goals And Career Are Aligned To Your Values
We all yearn for a sense of meaning in the things that we pursue and at some level want to be able to answer the question “what’s the point?” and “is this right?” within ourselves. This applies to both the personal and professional pursuits, and our values are the primary driving force behind both of these questions.
Whenever we are not living true to our values, we sense disharmony within, which manifests itself as stress or distress.
But What Are My Values?
Values are ideas that we hold to be important. They govern the way we behave, communicate and interact with others. Values are the lifeblood of the actions we take, how we feel about ourselves, how we communicate, what our purpose is, and who we have in our lives. I find it useful to visually paint their impact, as I have done in the diagram below.
You may already know your values, but have you taken the time to write down your Top 5 or Top 10, and write them in sequence? It’s a very powerful way to reflect on what’s important to you and bring awareness to the levels of congruence in your life both professionally and personally. Here is a free PDF you can download that will give you a long list of possible values to kick off the process. Once you’ve written down your values, then come back to this article and take a look at the picture above, whilst asking yourself the following questions:
- Are my actions reflecting values?
- Do I feel good about myself in terms of my values?
- Am I communicating what’s important to me in all areas of my life? If not, what actions could I take to communicate?
- Have I found my life’s purpose? In which ways is this purpose an expression of my values?
- How does each of my various communities reflect my values?
If you can get these questions answered and actioned in ways that bring alignment, then I suspect that you’ll start feeling like you are being true to yourself. Maybe things will get messy for a while, but then I hope they will start to flow!
Wrapping Up…
We’ve discussed the different ways that our pursuits bring us happiness, but it’s important to realise that they are like an eco-system. They each need tending to in different ways, with just the right amount of nurture, and right amount of balance. I do truly believe that it is possible to solve the variety and certainty paradox, and to make life more wholesome by pursuing experiences over things. Just be wise in what you choose to pursue…
On contribution, the more we give, the more we get. Indeed “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others” (Mahatma Gandhi). In times of doubt, remember that you probably know at least 1,000 people in your life, and each of of these people will also know 1,000 people. Your well intended actions, therefore, are rippling towards impacting one million. Most of the time you won’t get personal recognition for the your contribution, but remember, you know that you did good today…and your actions are a contribution to a better world. There is a deeper knowing-ness in this stratum of happiness.
Finally, know that your values matter and that you deserve to express what’s important to you. Your values are your guidance-system and it is possible to have a life aligned to your core. I can only encourage you to take the time to journal on this, and take regular action to ensure this alignment. No one else will do it for you.
As always, be well, be aware, and make choices that connect you deeply with your truer self. It’s a rabbit hole worth going down.
Thanks for taking the time to connect with me, and I hope to see you in Part 4 on Perspectives.
Chris Hall
CEO — Be What You Want
Footnote: this is a four part series on Happiness, and you just read Part 3. You can read Part 1 Self-Care, and Part 2 Relationships at the links provided.
