Winter? Yeah, Nah

I really thought winter came late this time of year…. Third warmest June on record, followed by the tenth warmest July… Suddenly, temperatures plummeted the first week of August, dumping snow nationwide! Ahhh… At last, winter is here!

But now, look at it… LOOK AT IT.

Winter? Yeah, nah.

No, I’m not bellyaching about climate change. I’m not an old man, ranting about “back in my day” and shaking my fist at the sky. I’m just fed up with the weather taking the piss. Aren’t you? Is it Winter or Spring? When did Summer end and Autumn start?! I don’t understand! Damnit weather, make up your mind! The seasons have become one constant Rick Roll. Even the seagulls look confused. From the coldest, wettest few days of the years to a crisp, warm, late spring day… IN AUGUST.

I should be happy, really. It’s a wonderful Summerautumnwintespring™ day as I write this, cloudless blue skies, green hills rolling across the horizon, women in active wear looking like they’ve come from a fashion shoot rather than the gym. Two fat pigeons are bathing uncomfortably in a fountain.

It’s by all accounts, pleasant.

I’m not angry, I just don’t like some surprises. It’s frustrating, leaving home in the morning, dressed up for winter and chugging down an extortionately priced coffee, only to have to go out at lunch in a tee shirt and needing an extortionately priced ice cream.

“Double Chocolate Dip with Flake? That’ll be forty-seven dollars”

I talked with some friends about the weather, which is only a little cliche, but anyway. They all agree that the weather today is just too damn hot for winter. One even said “It’s humid as, aye?” which is as Kiwi as overpriced ice cream.

“To the capital now, where it’ll be humid as tomorrow”

I think that’s the problem with weather today. Consistency. It’s just not consistent anymore. I remember when I was a child, the summers lasted forever, and when it was winter, you knew it was winter, you were happy for winter, and you said “Thank you!” I tell you, these winters aren’t like when I was growing up, when we had to walk to school in un-matching shorts and woolly jumpers, a phone was something stuck on a wall at home and going online was peeing on an electric fence without electrocuting yourself.

God, it’s hot. I need an ice cream.