Why Wait Until 65 to be Happy
As I was traveling in a small rental car around the island of Iceland last year, without music because the car didn’t have an auxiliary jack and without a cell signal (what would a millennial do?), I was forced to reflect on my life, albeit begrudgingly. I thought about my failures, accomplishments, and mediocrity. With unbelievable views on all sides, I went through a range of emotions — anger, depression, exhilaration, and rage (okay, maybe not rage, but close). I quickly reviewed the experiences in my life up to that point, and I had somewhat of an epiphany (aside from sojourning across remote regions of the world) — I needed to put more effort and time into my passion of helping others find their passions, voice, and drivers in life. Developing people is my inner engine that drives me almost daily. Speaking in front of people in order to aid in their life progress is my third pillar of life. At the age of 38, my passion is something I should have developed more thoroughly in my 20s.
Research tells us about the U-shaped happiness curve; it’s a curve of happiness that starts falling around the age of 18 and doesn’t start reversing itself until around the 50+ year mark, which is quite remarkable. At around the age of 46, we are at the unhappiest point of our lives (on average). Our happiest age? Around 65. At 38, I experienced many setbacks, such as business, financial, academic, and some unrealized goals. To be honest, my mid 30s were downright miserable (aside from traveling, which was my savior). But, on that long road in Iceland, traversing snow-covered roads overlooking hot springs, I had an inner-awakening, a paradigm shift of sorts.
But, it took silence, uninhibited streams of thought, and the lack of anything electronic to get to this point. Today, we are barraged by a host of distractions, from constant text messages to social media posts to electronic advertising in nearly every corner of our lives. These streams of messages block our ability to process inner thoughts, at least productively. Our brain, in overdrive, can only hold so much information, so a lot of what enters our minds is buried or lost. That’s why having moments of silence are important — quiet times facilitate the process of cognitive clean-up the cognitive burden of brain clutter. According to John Grossmann, “Good things come from a quiet place. Study, prayer, music, transformation, worship, communion. The words peace and quiet are all but synonymous, often spoken in the same breath. A quiet place is the think tank of the soul — the spawning ground of truth and beauty”. Indeed, John.
With an increasing amount of ‘no vacancy’ and blackout periods in our minds, we have become more depressed and lonely, isolating ourselves to phones, computers, and “Still Watching” from Netflix. We’ve become more tribal, further isolating ourselves from others into smaller groups of people.
Back to my original point — why wait until late adulthood to find happiness when it’s probably in front of us, our inner-selves screaming for release? Many reasons exist for our unhappiness, but one of the central reasons seems to be the increasing lack of social connections. Another reason? Our failure to pursue our passions. My passion is a passion for people — I need human interactions to spur my energy and personal growth. I can guarantee most people need some degree of human exposure, too. Your passion should be your driver, your engine, and your foundry, and probably involves some element of people. So, how can we subvert the U-shaped happiness curve?
One, your passion is your story. I recently led a workshop on public speaking and business. The main take-a-way? Weaving your personal story into conversations. Your personal story should be compelling, and it should be founded on your passion in life. Why? Because our brains are pre-wired to be more in tune with stories — stories are unique in that they develop deep emotional connections. Start writing your personal story (it should be brief yet engaging). And, ask yourself what compels you on a personal level.
Two, find what you love (no, we all know you love your kids, significant others, family members, dogs, cats, goats). But, look into things that either would be a great hobby or profitable side gig. If you’re like most Americans, nearly 70% of us don’t like our jobs (or at least have a passion for them). Here’s a start: write down some ideas, particularly those that compel you to act. And for pete’s sake, buy a journal! Writing is much more prolific than typing.
Three, find three points of serenity. Remember all of those distractions? Yea, they are preventing you from taking action. One point of serenity for me? The gym. Why? Because it clears my mind, helps me focus, and I get a litany of ideas during and after my workouts. The other point in my life? Travel. Why? Same reasons.
Four, get others involved. Since we’ve become more tribal and isolated, we’ve also become more inhibited. Take a risk and meet new people. I know — it takes energy and time and effort. In the end, though, especially in our 60s, people begin to realize the importance of people and social connections. If you are passionate enough about something, people will follow you. Creating those connections now will yield rewards for years to come.
Cultivating your passion takes time and patience, but it is well worth the investment. Central to this are people, since people are what help drive our passions. Isolation and tribalism makes us more cynical and ambivalent, and we become socially awkward and reticent to make new connections. Happiness is founded on people, passion, and patience. Let’s not wait until we are 65 to be happy.
