How To Escape A Blackhole
Darkness cannot drive out darkness
How are we filling the void?
What is the void? It’s that sense of emptiness that lingers inside us — sometimes feeling like a small grape, sometimes feeling like a 20-pound watermelon — that drags us down no matter where we go or what we do.
This back hole wreaking havoc inside of us does the same thing a black hole roaming around the universe would do: suck the light and life out of any and everything we do.
Until the black hole is dealt with, our lives (our personal universe) will never experience the growth and reach the potential that they are capable of reaching.
A few years ago, my black hole was massive and heavy. It felt like I was lugging around a backpack filled with cement.
I would have moments of joy and meaningful experiences, but they weren’t deep.
They weren’t deep because I couldn’t let go, be present and fully immerse myself in those experiences.
I couldn’t let go because inside, that black hole of despair wasn’t allowing any of my true self — my own light — to escape and be seen.
I didn’t even know my true self because that black hole had sucked all the life out of it and told it it wasn’t good enough to be exposed to the universe.
How did this void begin?
There are many traumas that we experience in our lives that mold who we are and what we do, many of them so subtle, subconscious and even happening before we begin having memories.
But one trauma that I know without a shadow of a doubt that has profoundly impacted me, is losing the one job that I deeply, unconditionally loved: baseball.
When that career came to an end, I was crushed and I was lost.
I was left with unfulfilled dreams and unaccomplished goals.
I had visions of being on TV, making tons of money and having millions of fans that never came to fruition.
So, naturally, I tried to fill that void of fortune and fame.
How?
By moving to Los Angeles to become a movie star, of course!
But I quickly realized that trying to fill that void with money and adoration in an industry that rejects you more times than you can count was not a very smart move on my part.
Plus, there was no love and passion.
With baseball, at least I had that love of coming to the stadium everyday, putting that uniform on and getting to compete at a sport I really enjoyed.
With acting, there was no love and passion, I didn’t really enjoy going to acting class, reading plays, getting headshots or prepping for an audition.
Although I wasn’t on TV and I didn’t make tons of money, the love I had for baseball was enough to sustain my quest for excellence.
There was no internal drive to keep me coming to acting class and continuing to better myself as an actor… so I quit.
Now, I was without a career that I really loved, and I was no longer in the pursuit of filling that void with fortune and fame. I was lost.
For so long I was trying to keep that black hole small, feeding it anything I could to decrease it’s size or to distract me that is was even there.
Nothing worked. It devoured everything.
Money, sex, drugs, social media and any other distraction did nothing to make it better.
I had to devise a different tactic.
What did I do?
I decided to muster up some courage and dive deep into that black hole because even though it was dark and terrifying, I knew that if I went deep enough I would soon find that light that used to shine bright.
How did I do this?
Questions. Stillness. Alone time. Honesty. Feeling my feelings. Sweat. Tears. Sharing my story.
I began a journaling practice that opened me up to thoughts, ideas and beliefs that I never knew were there.
I began mediating in order to practice mindfulness which would help me be more present and deeply feel feelings and emotions instead of replaying irrational thoughts in my mind.
I began a yoga practice (that I have been slacking on and feel the effects of) which also helped with mindfulness but also helped get those feel-good hormones coursing through my body.
I began sharing my story and thoughts with others — whether through a blog, a social media post or a Toastmasters speech — and facing that fear of needing other people’s approval.
I began expressing my true self, the self that has always been there but I was too afraid to show the world, and facing the fear of not being good enough.
Although I don’t know for certain if that black hole will ever go away entirely, I do know that trying to fill it with outside things will never make it go away.
We have to take that leap of faith into the center of it, find that ever-present flame of who we really are and stoke that fire with all the courage we can muster.
Money, fame, possessions, praise, status — all of this is fleeting.
When we die, it dies.
What sticks around long after it happens and long after we’re gone, are the things we do that really make our hearts sing, the things that really make our souls feel good and how we make others feel.
That lasts for the rest of our days and well beyond.
As Martin Luther King, Jr. said:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that…”
What is your light?
What void are you trying to fill? What caused that void? What are you filling it with?
Who is the real you?
Ask yourself some deep questions and get quiet and listen.
Try to get to the core of who you are, get to that light we all have inside and shine it bright for the world to see.
Because you matter.
