Fabian, life will go on, and that’s the saddest thing about your death.

I don’t like phone calls. So when an unsaved number called and I couldn’t hear very well because the person on the line was incoherent, I became irritated. I was going to end the call, but I heard the words “Tola” and “Fabian”, and I knew who it was. I became interested, and strained my ears to hear one of the worst things I’ve heard in my life. “Fabian is dead”.

Fabian. I only know one Fabian, but I still asked “which Fabian?”

“Your Fabian,” she said. “He was going to Owerri from Bauchi. Accident.”

I did not believe it. I called Martin who is in Owerri to confirm. He did. I texted Ashley, then Muna. They confirmed. Kevin was unreachable. Editi texted to tell me same thing. His mom confirmed. Fabian is really dead. Fabian. The Prince. Future President of Nigeria. My Fabian.

Death, why?

Sometime in 2015, Martin who was doing his Internship in Anakle recommended Fabian who had just graduated from FUTO, and I asked him to come interview. He came and after speaking with him, I knew without any doubt that I wanted him on my team. But I didn’t have the final say, so I called in Editi and within 5 minutes, Fabian had a job at Anakle. If you have interviewed with Editi before, you’ll know getting him to hire you is not a walk in the park. Hell, he did not hire me after my first interview. But Fabian had a job minutes after meeting Editi, because he was that bright, and had that Anakle spirit.

And we worked. Him, Golah and I were such a badass efficient Content and Strategy team. Behind computers, we created greatness. But our work didn’t stop there. I remember when we took those who won the #ExploreBauchi contest to Bauchi State and we had such an amazing time — easily the best work-holiday I’ve had in Nigeria.

That is also when he fell in love with Bauchi. So when NYSC came, he chose the state, and was posted there. He basically managed our operations there, but — thanks to technology, he remained an integral part of the Content and Strategy team. Then Golah emigrated, and Ify came, but we were still a badass team. Then I left Anakle, but the friendship did not wane, not one bit. He’d come to Lagos from Bauchi and stop by my house. Before he’d leave Lagos, he’d come visit again, and we’d eat, discuss life, his work, my work, and the future.

He wanted to be President. I wanted to be President. And we had this agreement that I will go first — as his senior — hahaa. He celebrated my successes like they were his own. He always wanted to know how he could help when he felt I had challenges. He volunteered to be on any project I was involved in. When I started ListsNG, he signed up to be an author. I’d offer him money and he’ll refuse. Always said I took a chance on him, and this was a way to say thank you. Only reason I didn’t hire him fully is I had a personal non-compete with Anakle and I knew it was a much better place for him to grow. And hell, did I want him to grow? I wanted him to be great. That is why when he asked me to come all the way to Bauchi for his TEDx event, I went without hesitating.

Just last month I made him apply for the Cornell Alliance for Science Global Leaders Fellowship — he was a perfect fit, and I knew he would have impacted New York and Washington if he was chosen. He would have made everybody smile, and smothered them with kindness. He would have inspired them with his zeal. He would have motivated them with his passion. He could have done soooo much, but he can’t. He used to be, now he was.

Was. I am using past tense to refer to my guy. Ah. Death, you no try. I mean, I know people die all the time and all life is sacred, but people like Fabian are one in a million, and I can’t understand how he was selected for this venture. Before taking him, you should have asked people in FUTO, those he represented in the USA when he was still an undergrad, how amazing he was. You should have asked those in Bauchi, a place he happily relocated to, because he wanted to help them tell their stories. You should have asked his friends — those he never failed to support, those he never stopped putting first, those whose ambitions were his own ambitions. You should have asked me, death. So I’ll tell you to chill, because this one is too valuable, too kind, too passionate about Nigeria to go. So, fvck you very much, death. Fvck you.

After all is said and done, life will go on. And that is what has me all fvcked up. The sun will keep rising in the east and setting in the west. Rainy season, dry season, harmattan, they will all come and go. The clock will keep ticking, but you will not be here to witness it all. That is not fair. That is not right. I am tired.