Short story UC: Character 3

Continuing the Proust Questionnaire from yesterday

Photo by Neil Daftary on Unsplash

Which living person do you most despise?

George W. Bush. He started a war over nothing and nobody he cared about got hurt.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Courage. Real men don’t wear fancy suits and get someone else to do their fighting for them. I hate generals, presidents, congressmen. They’re all bullshit. If I was ever in trouble Dan and his buddies would take care of me, because they’re soldiers.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

I hate that girl stuff, bitching about hair and make-up and fighting over boyfriends. I like women who are honest.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Sugar. Honey. Skibble-biscuits, I use that instead of saying, you know, the s-word. Fudgelicious — that’s for the other one. If you can’t say something nice don’t say nothing at all. Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes. Those last two my mama said all the time. I don’t know what “praise the Lord and pass the potatoes” is supposed to mean but I heard it so much growing up, it just pops out when I don’t know what else to say.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Dan, one hundred percent.

When and where were you happiest?

The day we got married and the day he got back from his first tour. I thought sure as shooting I’d never see him again. With everything going on with the Taliban, the bombs, I didn’t see how he’d ever come home. But he did.

Which talent would you most like to have?

To be able to make people see things that happen when they’re not there.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’d know more so I explain things a way doctors would listen.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Being with Dan.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A cat, that lived in a really nice house, with a big yard and trees to climb, and real nice people. Have you ever seen a cat worry? I haven’t.