Three Men

August 15, 2016 3:45PM

Have you ever had a relationship that you shouldn’t have?

No, I’m not talking about the kind that you look back on and say, “what was I thinking?” I mean the one that even while it was happening you knew it shouldn’t be — and that’s kinda what you liked about it?

None of it should have happened. And now our friendship seems forced. But, he had a baby today — with his wife of nine months — two years after the climax (almost literally) of our relationship.

Now, he has this child, he has an onyx ring on his finger — and I’m left with this feeling of — wordlessness.

This hasn’t been a good year for me, and this certainly hasn’t been a good day for me.

Have you ever heard of Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS)?

It’s that feeling when you work out really hard but it doesn’t hurt the next day — but your muscles kill the day after that?

I think heartbreak works like that.

Yesterday I was fine, a sunny Sunday afternoon, I didn’t even think about him, as I lay shirtless on my couch with another man’s mouth on me. The problem was — I wasn’t thinking about that man either. I barely felt his lips on my breasts even though my nipples were fully erect, and my breathing shallow. He was feverish and I was… there.

Today, the DOMS set in. He’s just out of reach, close enough that I can feel him when he’s not here — and he’s never here — but the day before yesterday my heart was put through the ringer — through a workout I thought I was prepared for — but if today’s DOMS is any indication… the heart is a muscle, after all.

This hasn’t been a good year for me, and this certainly hasn’t been a good day for me.

Something that felt so wrong, moved on, moved past. Holding his new, beautiful, baby boy in his hand.

Something that felt so right, still moving. Being held by his beautiful girlfriend’s arms.

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