Spring Again

it’s ok if i die alone, i mean i still have my sanity which is something

like i can trust myself to some extent, im getting better at recognizing when my thinking is being distorted

even if i actually have an avoidant pd or whatever its nothing compared to actual psychosis

those people can’t even trust themselves

it’s kind of sad

at least i can find comfort in my hugbox of asmr and wallpapers and idols and stream vods. i can find comfort in my own thoughts.

the fine arts are the best. i watched the kirov ballet do swan lake on youtube and i kept thinking

how great it was

the perfection of their movements, everyone is beautiful and happy (disregarding the actual story of swan lake), such purity

it makes me happy that such purity exists on this planet

so at least i have that, my lifetime of internet browsing didnt go to waste

i wish i could help people who cant find comfort in anything

but im only a person

and a weak-willed one at that

i cant even take care of myself, helping someone else is probably out of the question

i wish i could be someone’s misaki

it’d be more of a roleplay fantasy for me though, that’s kind of rude huh

just a daydream

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