Hello. I'm Clara.

Apr 28, 2016

How to get a job, according to Internet

I started this list in 2013 in the middle of a very stressful job search, it’s a compilation of how internet tells you to get a job. Origionally titled “52 voidoo ritualy you cant afford to not do!” But I don’t have 52…

Enjoy…

Make the best resume ever

Have the best webpage ever

Use every social network ever & be perfect at it

Network till you can no longer speak and your fingers bleed

Become better at your job, by reading an ebook

Have the nicest newest clothes that don’t say trying too hard and are not too tight

Follow up on everything via email, including casual conversations

Address letters “Dear Sir or Madam”

Volunteer, to build your resume, but don’t get too sucked into it (oops)

First impressions are everything, and you never get a second chance, so you should warmly greet everyone you meet and give your little pitch. You never know who that guy walking down the street is.

If you are taking a call, make sure you have good reception

If you are taking a call, eliminate any distraction, especially children

If you hate networking, do it anyway, and leap at chances to be helpful, because thats not weird and comes up all the time.

Dont do drugs

Be on the internet

Load your resume with every keyword ever

Do not use keywords

Dont be glib

Dont be overly confident

Grab attention and get an interview

Give out your email to every “career coach” online

Dont waste employers time by applying if you don’t think you’ll get it

Impress everyone, all the time

Be nice. Now, in the future, and in the past

Stalk the hell of of every company you are applying. Know who works there and everything they like. Especially, their children’s names and where they go to school.

Dont stress out, it turns people off

Be an entrepreneur, because thats a great idea for everyone and makes a lot of sense to start a huge project as your trying to start a new job.

Write the best cover letter ever, but no one will read it

Don’t be unconfident.

Don’t have sweaty palms

Turn your greatest weakness into your best asset.

Tell them how good for them you are , because you know exactly how their company works & all the stuff they do wrong.

Tell them how well you fin in there, because you know better than they do about their work culture.

Don’t be a know it all

Develop and protect your personal brand.

Buy your full name .com .net .co .xxx .everything else, because people are out to get you. Bad economy, competition is fierce.

Grow your career by following (insert prolific blogger here)