The Art of Losing Control

Everyone is looking for balance and peace and usually this has to do with 3 main areas in our lives: purpose, resources and love.

You go to work, you get paid, you take care of your rent, buy that new pair of sneakers you so desperately want. You go home for dinner, snuggle on the couch with your amazing boo, go to bed, get up in the morning and do it all over again. Simple right? This is just one perspective.

But there is more to life than that and sometimes you are looking for something more. You want to change something and are looking for a different path. It might be one that deviates from what is expected from you, what you think you should do. Or maybe you’re thinking you’re too old or too young to take a leap of faith. So it happens, you’re in limbo. A state of transition, moving towards the next level. This can take days, weeks, months, years even. It feels like somebody hit the pause button on the movie that is your life. You have no idea when “they” will press play again. Or when you’ll get “there”. Wherever that may be. You feel like you’ve lost control and it scares the bejeebies out of you.

When it comes to purpose, I’ve always felt pretty confident of what I wanted to do in life. I’ve been known to be a bit of a hard head when it comes to knowing what I want and getting it too. Resources were an interesting learning curve since I didn’t grow up with parents who were open about that stuff. And I’m not just talking about money, but also work, management and technology.

Of those 3 areas, love has always been the trickiest one for me.

Love makes a person more vulnerable and as a result, often times, more scared of the outcome. How many times have I let my mind, or better yet, ego fastforward to what I had made out to be the ideal moment in the future where I got reassurance. I would daydream about the day a guy would tell me he was fully committed to me. In doing that I immediately created a whole bunch of expectations from day one because I needed someone else to feel proud and selfassured. But you know, no pressure, we can take it slow. I’m cool, I can handle this. Let’s just have fun, get to know each other and we will see. I’m not obsessing about it at all. You can have your space and you can take your time, I’ll just unknowingly invade your territory because I’m having a hard time letting go of the need to be in control. This probably sounds familiar. And I truly feel that’s only natural.

Being mindful of yourself and observing situations without judgement, fear, or insecurity is a tough nut to crack. Just knowing something without identifying it with a mental point of view is difficult.The urge to know that we we say and feel is ok, to be ‘right’ and to know the outcome, is sometimes stronger than we realise.

WHAT IF WE COULD MASTER THE ART OF LOSING CONTROL?

I’m not talking about going on a vacation and not wanting it to be “that” time of the month (ladies). We all know we can cheat mother nature on that one. Or going to a gig, screaming from the top of your lungs like a crazy person (no offense 4 Non Blondes) and headbanging to the point of whiplash.

I’m talking about trusting that you are at the beginning of everything. It is not about what’s happening left or right of you, behind you, or infront of you. It is about what is happening now. You are doing great, you are wonderful just the way you are and you are right where you are supposed to be. Trusting that all good things happen in time. Everything is happening when it should and how it should.

Letting go of the fear of not knowing what will happen next and stop feeling the need to map everything out. No longer being nervous about not getting answers right away. Not being angry at yourself for not knowing how to do things. Allowing yourself to learn and be open to growth. Being mindful of the moment you are in and allowing yourself to communicate openly about your needs. Feel heard, be seen and feeling safe in your own personal space without being on guard in case someone would invade it.

For a few years now I’ve been opening myself up to new perspectives, reading books and attending heart intelligence workshops. So at the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn’t help but wonder, how does one master the art of loosing control? If you figure it out, let me know. I’m always open to suggestions.

Eline Van Audenaerde,

Daily Zen.

Author Bio — Founder of The Unicorn Mothership and Chairwoman of SSSO Belgium. As an artist manager, radio host and digital media professional I like to spice up all my endeavours with the right amount of mindfulness.


Originally published at dailyzen.co.uk on September 16, 2015.

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