In order to make the most of your marriage counseling sessions, it may be helpful to have questions prepared to ask your spouse when the time comes. Having a professional counselor present will allow both of you to be more open about how you feel, and it will also provide a mediator to walk you through an argument that may develop. The more answers you get, the better you can communicate with your spouse in the future.
Here are the top 10 marriage counseling questions to ask your spouse during your therapy sessions.
1 — What Are The Biggest Problems In Our Marriage?
You and your spouse may have different perspectives on the status of your marriage. Ask your husband or wife what he or she thinks are the biggest issues in your relationship. You may be worried about financial stress and infidelity, while your spouse is worried about trust issues and lacking communication. Do not combat your spouse’s answers. Listen to them closely so you can learn from them and grow as a couple.
2 — When Did The Problems Start?
See if you can pinpoint the moment when your relationship took a wrong turn. Was it a trip you took, a decision you made, a person you let into your life…? If you can determine the triggers for your arguments and discordance as a whole, you may be able to reverse the issues and get back onto a successful path.
If you cannot pick a time when problems started, try to think back to the last time you both were truly happy. You may be able to use that as a building block for happiness in the future.
3 — What Do I Do That Gets On Your Nerves?
No matter how happy you may be in your marriage, you will both eventually learn how to push each other’s buttons — often without even realizing that’s what you’re doing. Ask your spouse what you do to get on his or her nerves, and see if that is something you can correct. Hopefully your spouse will reciprocate by not doing something that gets on your nerves. The goal in every part of marriage counseling is to come to a compromise that benefits the both of you.
4 — What Do You Love Most About Me?
It’s easy to focus on the negatives during your marriage counseling sessions, but it’s also important to look at the positives. Think about the features that made you fall in love with your spouse, and reflect on the ones that still make you swoon to this day. Ask your spouse what he or she loves most about you in return. If you struggle with low self-esteem, this could quickly give you a confidence boost and remind you just how valuable you are to the people around you.
5 — Do You Trust Me?
Trust is a vital component of any successful relationship. Ask your spouse if he or she trusts you, and speak out if you are no longer able to trust your spouse. If either of you have problems trusting the other, go over those issues with the counselor present. Whether it’s lying, infidelity, suspicious actions, or anything else along those lines, your counselor can help you work out your troubles and hopefully regain your mutual trust for one another.
6 — What Made You Come To Marriage Counseling?
This is a question you can ask whether you were the one who signed up for marriage counseling or you were the one who agreed to come. Find out why your spouse decided to seek professional help, and ask what his or her goals are in this process. Does your spouse want to save your marriage? Is he or she worried about divorce? Is addiction, financial stress, anger management, or anything else putting a wedge between the two of you? By understanding why your spouse came to counseling, you may gain a better feel for his or her perspective on your marriage as a whole.
7 — What Can I Do To Make Our Marriage Better?
As much as you may want to push all the blame onto your spouse, the fact is that it takes two people to make a marriage work. Even if you feel that you are in a one-sided relationship, you should ask your spouse what you can do to make your marriage better. Of course, your spouse should be willing to ask you the same thing. If not, your marriage counselor will likely point out the imbalance in accountability and ask the question on your spouse’s behalf. Answer honestly, but show respect for your spouse in the process.
8 — Are You Satisfied Sexually?
Sex may not be the cornerstone of a good marriage, but it can be a key component in the overall success of a relationship. Do not be embarrassed to talk about sex in front of your counselor, especially if it is one of the main issues in your marriage. You can learn how to improve your intimacy and strengthen your marital bonds if you talk about your feelings in an open, honest setting.
9 — Where Do You See Our Marriage In “X” Years?
Talk to your spouse about the future. Where do you see us in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc.? If we continue with the way we are right now, will we even be together in that frame of time? If not, what can we do to fix our problems and get our marriage off on the right foot again? Set goals together as a couple (or as a family), and come to an agreement on where you should be as time progresses.
10 — Do You Know How Much I Love And Appreciate You?
At the end of the day, it’s important to let your spouse know just how much you love him or her and how much you want the relationship to work out. If your spouse feels underappreciated or unloved, you need to be aware of that. Then you can work to show your love more freely moving forward. Express your feelings on the matter as well, if you feel under-recognized for your actions. You may soon learn how truly special you are to your spouse, and how much love is still left in your marriage.
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