Rodolfo: I know what it is to merely exist. I did it for decades. I have always felt I existed against my will. Still do.

However, and since short of ending it all, there isn’t anything I can do about it, I decided to enjoy what little I could. I still exist against my will. The emotional pain, the darkness, the despair… oh, it’s all there. But I take it one moment at a time. I experience every moment as if it is the last I’ll ever have. It is absolutely a conscious decision. It is me telling life, “hey you suck big time but damn you, I won’t be bullied by you”. So I redirect my anger into sucking the marrow of it all. I enjoy the little birds singing in my yard. The squirrels busying themselves with gathering food. A cat sleeping on a sun puddle. The wind on the leaves of the trees. The warmth of coffee in my mouth. The comfort of homemade pie.

It wasn’t easy, and it took me more than two decades of much suffering but that’s where I am now.

So, it doesn’t get any easier but at the same time, it does. It never gets better in a sense, and yet at the same time, it is possible to make it better.

All the best to you in your journey.

Your poetry is beautiful.