Don’t scroll past this important message

I’m in the attention business. That beautiful millisecond of attention you give me on your mobile is where my genius strings you along a journey that has taken months to plan. That slim window of opportunity is where I take siege of your curiosity and poke you towards corporate sponsored self-actualization.

Past the baby pictures, political outcries, and videos of things to do with a can of processed bread, I make sure that we make a connection that’s so automatic, your own emotions are jutted into thinking that I have your best interests in mind. As much as you’re addicted to scrolling, I’m your Joker, addicted to making money off you stopping your finger from going down to up.

Oh, you’re interested in cars? Easy. I’m GM’s favorite marketing mercenary.

The new Dodge Viper releases in three days, watch our live launch event. — Sponsored.

That’s not the end of this jog around the park big boy.

Here’s your chance to drive the Viper. Sign up here. — Sponsored.

Welcome to the site, here’s a video featuring Dale Fucking Earnheart Jr. — produced my team.

Enter your email. Share this with your friends.

Three weeks later you’re on a Facebook Live video test driving the Viper — Sponsored.

Oh, now you’re buying the car you told your friends you couldn’t stop thinking about. Thank you for your purchase. This cost GM $5k. Less if two people buy the car.

Selling and executing stories are my strongest skills. Travel along this gravy train from where you are to where you could be. I’d like to believe I’m good at this. Hell, I’m beating my goals on a weekly basis.

Opportunity creation is my favorite business model. The cheaper and more widespread the tool, the happier I get. You should see the saliva on the side of my mouth, foaming in pure white when I see user base numbers increase on a quarterly basis.