Comic Book Stores; The Origin of “The 40 Year Old Virgin”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love nerds and take pride in being one, but we’re not exactly the most social bunch. Any location that forces social interaction if you really want that recent release of “Tentacle Lovers” is welcome. A comic book store is exactly the kind of place I would only go in if I knew that I had enough money to drop on that collectible figure that I was bound to fall in love with and then proceed to put it on my wall of shame. The quality of a book store is defined by two key factors; the size of the collectibles adorning it’s halls, and the size of the fanny pack of any nerd that comes in. A comic book store can almost be referred to as “quaint” if it lacks any full-sized Han Solo statues that are guaranteed pantie droppers for any true nerd. The Hallmark card of such quaint shops, is my local store, “The Comics Place”. I know, an original title, but these guys are too busy making sure their mother’s don’t find out why all their hand lotion keeps disappearing to bother with such a petty thing.

“ …full-sized Han Solo statues that are guaranteed pantie droppers for any true nerd.”

“The Comics Place” is a fairly small location, with a fairly basic set up. You walk in, and you’re greeted with the familiar smell of virginity and plastic protective covers. It manages to stand out easily enough with a large and colorful sign adorning the front of it, which is of course your typical hero outfit colors of blue and yellow (*cough cough* X-Men *cough*). The large windows are fully utilized, both being filled with the latest and greatest of geek wet-dream material. Upon entering, you’ll notice immediately how well lit the place is for a place meant to attract the denizens of mother’s basements. Among it’s many other, I think the welcoming feel of the shop is it’s final selling point, making it a perfect location for those looking to find an entrance into a foreign world. Almost as foreign as flirting is with the opposite sex for the usual customers.

“…the denizens of mother’s basements”

As with any comic book store, it’s success is determined by the amount of pimples on any one customer that enters. The redder the face, the better variety of limited edition statues and hipster card games, the likes of which you’ve probably only ever heard of if you’ve ventured onto 4Chan. Having a chance to pick up our latest issue of “Right Hand: My True Lover”, with the chance of awkwardly making unwanted eye contact with our future dungeon masters makes us uncomfortable enough to run home back to our Oni-chan body pillow and question why we left our safety blanket at home. Personally, I just enjoy having a place to drop my most recent paycheck on the newest “My Little Pony” figures without the cashier wondering if I’ve ever kissed a girl who wasn’t related. At this point, you might have noticed I’ve spent more time harassing the denizens of comic book stores more than I have discussing the stores themselves, and that’s because I feel the weaboos who manage to let go of themselves long enough to walk to the store instead of browsing it’s internet page are the true champions of such a place.

“The redder the face, the better variety of limited edition statues and hipster card games”

Comic book stores, up to this point, might seem intimidating, since it seems only the most dedicated nerds habit such places. However, I’m here to let you know we aren’t all born nerds. Sometimes, you’re browsing a local shop, and that little Greedo plushy is just enough to push you over the edge. Before you know it, more of your paycheck is going to other plushies than it is to feed your scrawny body. (Not that anything similar has EVER happened to me.) Regardless of what your interest might be, your local shop just might be the perfect place. Comic book stores are conveniently built for anyone ranging from casual nerds to the most dedicated of cosplayers. They’re almost like your first boyfriend; Not the best looking, but he gets the job done in a nice enough way you don’t want to murder the rest of the opposite sex for the entirety of your existence.

If you’ve ever cried yourself to sleep while hugging your Pokemon pillow because someone at school used any of the above stereo-types of a nerd to describe you, then perhaps you are actually a nerd, and a comic store is just the place for you. However, fear not! For I shall be your Gandalf in these trying times, and this guide will help you determine your future Bat Cave. Just remember, if the cashier claims his favorite game is Farmville, it’s probably best not to come back.

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