Where Did All The True Gentlemen Go?

I just wrote an article on LinkedIn about being a gentleman. I have a feeling it was completely inappropriate to post such an article there, but I’ve been caught up by reading through my dad’s memoires for the first time.

I don’t know why I posted this article on LinkedIn, a business forum instead of a writer’s place, like I view Medium. Habit, I suppose. Or maybe it’s because I’m kind of an emotional mess right now.

Regardless, here’s the post if you want to read it.

How do we learn to be true gentlemen and ensure people like my father are not the last of their kind? My guess is we keep teaching it like any other tradition or “discipline” as my father called being a gentleman.

In case you don’t check out my full post, here are 10 things my dad wrote about being a gentlemen in his journal. (I just got to read through it after celebrating his life at his memorial service last weekend. Inspiring, sad and joyous, all at once.)

1. External signs of respect. (A warm smile in passing.)
2. Good table manners. (Elbows off the table!)
3. Standing up when an adult enters the room. (SOP)
4. Opening the door for others. (For everyone!)
5. Lighting a cigarette. (Okay, this was from the 70’s and 80’s before big tobacco got whacked and focused on kids in developing nations instead.)
6. Being an attentive host. (Entertain with style.)
7. Making your guest feel special. (Empathy in 100 different ways.)
8. Looking people in the eyes when greeting them. (Warm smile.)
9. A firm, extended hand share. (Be genuine.)
10. Thank you notes of appreciation. (Hand write them. Emails don’t count.)

I sense it is crucial that those of us who were taught to be a gentlemen teach others. I have always been committed with my wife to teaching our sons how to be gentlemen and they are such today. Why is this important? Being civilized to each other seems to be a lost virtue. It’s how we get along with each as humans, or not.

Empathy, compassion, respect, love, honor and gentleman are the keywords that best represent my father. Are these lost virtues? I’m not giving up hope even though today it seems we’re more interested in spying on each other and blowing stuff up around the world rather than getting along.

In every situation I face in business and life my dad taught me the value of learning to stop to ask, “What would a true gentlemen do?”

Thanks, dad.