7 Deadly Sins: Envy

Alex Guillien
Aug 28, 2017 · 9 min read

A former athlete contacted me about the following:

Coach do you ever deal with envy?

It’s not in a demented way, but you just wish you had what someone else has?

First, I admire this 18 years young man being courageous enough to ask the question. It may seem trivial at first but think about how many of us are insecure, not even able to text a question to someone when they are going through a challenging time? I admire people like him. I wasn’t able to do that.

I would walk the hollowed halls of darkness alone even when I didn’t need to; I was stubborn. There’s a lesson in there.

We must first define “envy” before moving ahead.

From Wikipedia

“Envy (from Latin invidia) is an emotion which “occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it”.[1]

There are two parts of the definition touched upon in this definition; “either desires it or wishes the other lacked it.”

Pivoting slightly, Psychology Today opens the John C. Maxwell: 6 Tips to Develop and Model an Abundance Mindset article with this:

There is enough pie to go around, so discourage an attitude of scarcity because it can negatively affect your success. Find out how to spread a positive, plentiful mentality through your team.

It is easy to fall into this trap, especially in the workplace and in team environments. If someone gains something in the form of responsibility or repetitions on the field/court, falling into the trap of envy is an almost natural tendency…if we utilize the scarcity attitude. I believe most need to go through the process of living with the scarcity attitude. More than an intellectual practice, the abundance vs. scarcity attitude continuum (like most things) become better engrained into our being with experience. But once we get the lesson, hang up the phone.

In Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People he discusses the abundance and scarcity attitude. He writes, “when you live in a world of scarcity, you compete for available resources, even when there is an abundance of them.”

Instead of what the other person is doing or what they did or didn’t do to “deserve” what you want, ask yourself,

What can I practice every day in thoughts, words, and actions that in one week, one month, six months, and one year will undoubtedly set me up for more of what I desire?

The scarcity attitude is riddled with envy and as a result, we give the other person (unbeknownst to them) power. We relinquish our own power with the practice of envy and scarcity. Instead, we can realize everything we ever needed to become more than we could ever imagine is already residing within. Ask better questions and ask for more. Be prepared for the answers as they will 99% of the time result in action.

The following comes from the Bhagavad Gita with Krishna instructing Arjuna on taking action rather than being in an inactive state as Arjuna struggles with his psyche.

One does not attain freedom from the bondage of Karma
by merely abstaining from work.
No one attains perfection by merely giving up work.

Because no one can remain actionless even for a moment.
Everyone is driven to action, helplessly indeed,
by the Gunas of nature.

The deluded ones, who restrain their organs of action
but mentally dwell upon the sense enjoyment,
are called hypocrites.

The one who controls the senses by the mind and intellect,
and engages the organs of action to Nishkaama Karma-yoga,
is superior, O Arjuna.

Perform your obligatory duty,
because action is indeed better than inaction.
Even the maintenance of your body
would not be possible by inaction.

Human beings are bound by Karma
other than those done as Yajna (sacrifice).
Therefore, O Arjuna, do your duty efficiently
as a service or Seva to Me,
free from attachment to the fruits of work.

Once we take the noble path of abundance and practice the daily removal of envy, Krishna’s words speaks of not being bound by the fruits of our labor. This means, simply do the work without regard to the reward. Let the fruits come and go but do not be bound by attachment. This is our duty.

Two Types of Envy

From Wikipedia

Bertrand Russell said that envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.[2] Not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by his or her envy, Russell explained, but that person also wishes to inflict misfortune on others.

However, psychologists have recently suggested that there may be two types of envy: malicious envy and benign envy — malicious envy being proposed as a sick force that ruins a person and his/her mind and causes the envious person to blindly want the “hero” to suffer; on the other hand, benign envy being proposed as a type of positive motivational force that causes the person to aspire to be as good as the “hero” — but only if benign envy is used in a right way.[4][5]

The athlete is experiencing a signal. This signal is one of envy for what the other has. The causes stem from his attitude and work he put in throughout the summer with the player he envies (but doesn’t wish ill upon) did not.

Nature seemingly self-corrects. And when it doesn’t, it allows those among us in this athlete’s position to become stronger, wiser, and more courageous. It allows us to stick with things longer, to develop the mind of a warrior, and persevere through all imaginable darkness…if we choose the noble path of the warrior.

This is the challenge. Do I take the call do adventure and forego my inclinations to envy? Or do I take this signal as something to utilize as a challenge to become more than I ever conceived I was capable of?

It isn’t an easy answer. It appears as such but don’t trust appearances.

How many people refuse to take this call even when they know what it will bring?

How many choose comfort over discomfort?

How many among us stick with it when there seems to be no hope?

This athlete is different. From the short time with him, I know he is more than capable.

Psychology Today brings in the psychology and philosophy of envy. The author writes,

The pain of envy is not caused by the desire for the advantages of others per se, but by the feeling of inferiority and frustration occasioned by their lack in ourselves. The distraction of envy and the dread of arousing it in others paradoxically holds us back from achieving our fullest potential.

Life is peculiar but eerily synchronistic. Envy causes us to feel less than (scarcity) and we begin to focus on the other (relinquish power) causing distraction of our present (all we have is NOW), ultimately limiting our ability to practice in the moment the things we need the most.

From the Bible in the Hebrew Book of Proverbs explicitly warning against envy,

Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him.

Envy is short-sighted. It isn’t patient. Gary Vaynerchuk rants about the practice ad nauseam. It bears repeating, however. Play the long game. Are you planning on dying tomorrow? Then practice. Practice every day without regards to the fruits of your labor; the rewards you want. We receive more than we need when we practice what we must. It also allows us to stay in the moment and have mini-moments of enlightenment as we enjoy the process of learning about the world and ourselves.

More from The Psychology and Philosophy of Envy article on Psychology Today…

The fundamental problem with envy is that it blinds us to the bigger picture. As with Cain and Abel, this blindness destroys lives, including our own. When we are in the grips of envy, we are as the captain of a ship who navigates the seas not by the heavenly stars but by the distorted lens of his magnifying glass. The ship turns in every direction, and ends up being taken by rock, reef, or storm. By holding us back, envy makes us even more apt to envy, opening up a vicious spiral of envy. And so, with our eyelids sewn ever more tightly, we lumber through hell under our cloaks of lead.

How to keep a lid on envy?

Continuing from The Psychology and Philosophy of Envy

“In life, we are rich not only by what we have, but also and mostly by what we do not. It is all too easy to forget that the investment banker or hedge fund manager has effectively sold his soul for his ‘success’, with so little spirit left in him that he no longer has the vital capacity to enjoy the advantages that he has acquired. Such a man is not to be envied but pitied. To keep a lid on envy, we have to keep on reframing, and reframing requires perspective.”

How many examples do we need of people who were not as gifted as others but became much more than their “counterpart.” How many times does the more talented or the person who possesses abilities where things come easier be overtaken by the less talented? Why does this happen?

Continuing from The Psychology and Philosophy of Envy

“Nature compensates for its shortcomings: if we do not have one thing, we surely have some other, even if it is not the sort of thing that is advertised on billboards. But while we envy, we focus on what we lack rather than what we have and could otherwise be enjoying. Thus, dispositions such as humility and gratitude can protect against envy.”

Back to the matter of attitude…

Envy is also a question of attitude. Whenever we come across someone who is better or more successful than we are, we can react with indifference, joy, admiration, envy, or emulation. Envy is the pain that we feel because others have good things, whereas emulation is the pain that we feel because we ourselves do not have them. This is a subtle but critical difference.

By reacting with envy, we prevent ourselves from learning from those who know or understand more than we do, and thereby condemn ourselves to stagnation. But by reacting with emulation, we can ask to be taught, and, through learning, improve our lot. Unlike envy, which is sterile at best and self-defeating at worst, emulation enables us to grow and, in growing, to acquire the advantages that would otherwise have incited our envy.

Why can some people rise to emulation, while most seem limited to envy? In the Rhetoric, Aristotle says that emulation is felt most of all by those who believe themselves to deserve certain good things that they do not yet have, and most keenly by those with an honourable or noble disposition. In other words, whether we react with envy or emulation is a function of our self-esteem.”

What good does envy do? Is there any benefit? Seeing the alternative is a great way to know which path we need to take. Do we want to take the path of envy and let it blind us to our highest aims, feel empty with low self-esteem, or even worse inflict pain upon another through our envious thoughts, words, and actions?

Nelson W. Aldrich Jr states in Old Money,

But envy is more or less than desire. It begins with the almost frantic sense of emptiness inside oneself, as if the pump of one’s heart were sucking on air. One has to be blind to perceive the emptiness, of course, but that’s what envy is, a selective blindness. He goes on …”people who suffer from a case of malicious envy are blind to what good things they already have, thinking they have nothing, causing them to feel emptiness and despair.

We will all feel envy in our lives. The quest isn’t to rid ourselves of envious thoughts (at least initially). It is to examine why these thoughts are coming in and acknowledging for what they are; just thoughts. Let us not turn them into words against another (gossip and talking behind someone’s back), or worse yet, actions to undermine another for perusal gain.

As Don Miguel Ruiz outlines at 1 of his 4 Agreements, “Be Impeccable with Your Word.”

Eventually, maybe we can rid ourselves of envy. But if not, at least catching it as a thought before it turns into something much worse is something we can all strive for.

In Strength,

Coach G

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