Love is Given, Not Received

Alex Guillien
Aug 26, 2017 · 4 min read

Naval Ravikant’s words transport me to my higher self, instantly. He has a special way of doing that. I remember listening to his interview with Shane Parrish of Farnam Street and taking copious notes. Then, I printed off the transcripts. It was a transformational learning experience.

https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2017/02/naval-ravikant-reading-decision-making/

There is a lesson in that. We don’t need to continue to “search” for answers. We need to ask better questions. In the psychedelic world, they say once you get the answer, hang up. I think there is some relevance in the realm of reading more books and watching more TED talks as well.

We get caught up in consuming because of the fear of missing out (FOMO). When I read about FOMO it clicked. I acted in that way all too often. “If I don’t read this article on sports performance then I am limiting my athletes’ success and mine.” The rabbit hole runs deep.

But, learning isn’t the same thing as consuming. If we can pick up a new book, read a new article, and listen to a new talk intently and learn of it, this is of value. I caution myself to keep this in my thoughts; it’s easy to forget.

Naval keeps things simple in a seemingly complex world with a lot of noise and chatter. Simple is good. I like simple. Dan John is a parallel figure in my life in the fitness world.

The quote that prompted to me start writing,“these mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb” reminds me of my last long relationship with both a female and my strength and conditioning position. Both were rewarding in there own ways, but it took some time to glean the lessons and remove her/it from my life.

Both times I remarked,

“it feels as if I was carrying a 1,000 pound weight and after making the decision to cut ties, it was lifted. As a result, I’m walking lighter, breathing easier, I’m stronger than I could ever have imagined, and I have more persistence than I gave myself credit for.”

What else has this done for me?

These broken ties that were the proverbial 1,000 pound gorilla on my back taught me what I won’t accept of a relationship and a “job.”

I won’t allow myself to feel slighted if I give love and it is not received.

Naval, “Love is given, not received.”

I practice this through being the first to say hello in passing someone on the street and other seemingly awkward social situations we all encounter where no one says anything, when clearly there is a need as human beings to do so. And this happens every day, countless times. Thus, I suggest beginning this practice immediately.

So I have decided I am going to be that person. I call it practicing compassion. I am a thoughtful compassionate type; always have been. My actions didn’t always align with this, however and as I recall back, it is probably what contributed to a depressed state among other things.

When someone doesn’t return an acknowledgment because they are literally walking with their head down, buried in their phone or are too insecure (80–90% of people I encounter are — yes it is a judgment and a projection) I remember that love is given not received. It is not about them receiving the gift of love (same can be said for someone doing the same to me; thus I should accept the gift of love since it is indeed a gift) but about me (or you) giving the gift of love.

I think about my last boss. I never received acknowledgement, and that isn’t an understatement or exaggeration. Literally walking down the hall in four years he acknowledged me one time that I can recall; but another person was there too, so in isolation, it never happened. But I would work up the courage to acknowledge him and say hello knowing he would never return the favor. At the time I didn’t understand the maxim, “love is given, not received.” Wisdom gained in time. Thanks Naval.

So, the question is this:

What mountains are you carrying around that you were only supposed to climb?

This is a powerful question. Take your time.

I know I will.

In strength,

Coach G

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