The Proper Path of Coaching

Alex Guillien
Aug 24, 2017 · 8 min read

As I’m listening to Jordan Peterson talk about “Maps of Meaning” I begin to take notes…

Without a frame of reference life is chaos. Chaos is intolerable and miserable.

Cynicism is a constant loss of faith.

This is isn’t the framework of an empathetic and compassionate human.

To attain redemption we must become the hero.

I begin to dive into a book I started reading in July. This book served as a catalyst to my big change (read here).

I remember the conversation with my good friend and wonderful musician (check him out) about needing to flex my intellectual muscle. I wasn’t reading anything. My habits sunk with each day that passed as I was fearful of the upcoming year. I was going to be without an assistant with an increasing workload; not to mention poor leadership. I couldn’t think. Until I made a decision to start.

And I chose this book.

Daniele Bolelli

I loved it from the get go. It was as if I was being led to this book.

Throughout this post will be some excerpts from the book. The purpose is to challenge your thinking on the path of a coach, teacher, and mentor. It’s a challenge to all the students (and we are all students) to walk into the darkest parts of the forest; this is where enlightenment resides.

Here we go…

Written in Black Belt Magazine in 1971, Bruce Lee writes…

Unfortunately, most students in the martial arts are conformists. Instead of learning to depend on themselves for expression, they blindly follow their instructors, no longer feeling alone, and finding security in mass imitation. The product of this imitation is a dependent mind. Independent inquiry, which is essential to genuine understanding, is sacrificed. Look around the martial artists and witness the assortment of routine performers, trick artists, desensitized robots, glorifiers of the past, and so on-all followers or exponents of organized despair.

Bolelli writes of Lee’s philosophy,

…one does not learn by simply following a formula laid out by someone else…Lee encouraged individuals to question everything and find out for themselves. Lee emphasized creativity and freedom.

Lee continues,

Art lives where absolute freedom is, because where it is not, there can be no creativity

Continuing, Boelli recounts Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishamurti’s actions of moving away from the acclaim as a messiah, “…inviting people to become their own saviors.”

The same can be said for Buddha, although Buddhism has seemingly gone against the originator. Buddha walked off the paved path and discovered his own; inviting others to do the same. Tradition, especially one built on faulty foundation, has no place for an individual’s spiritual revolution. The path inward can only be guided but we must each walk into the darkest part of the forest as is told in King Arthur’s tale.

Holly Black, The Darkest Part of The Forest

Story after story and revolutionary figure after another speaks of the liberating path. But the truth they speak of is in finding our own path; rather discovering it through curiosity.

Discipline plays a major role but we must not stick to the ideology of our teachers. Coaches, teachers, and mentors can always be a part of us but they are not to be clung to once we have learned of their wisdom and practiced it. We must not suckle on the tit longer than needed. We must hunt now. This is where most fail.

As evidenced by the worship of Buddha:

Boelli writes,

Taking charge of one’s own life and making all the decisions alone is much harder than following an established way. It requires more courage than most people can ever hope to have. For this reason, it became much easier to for people to worship Buddha and turn him into another object of veneration than to follow his example and create their own path (Smith 1991).

All great coaches know this. They know their job is to teach, guide, and mentor until the student is mature. With this maturation process complete, it is up to the student to go on his own; to walk his own path. This is scary as all the student has ever known is his coach, his mentor, and his teacher. But what the coach knows that the student will learn is everything was inside of the student from the very beginning. The coach simply revealed it to the student.

The student can be fearful of the lonely path but the coach is always with her. She can be courageous knowing that this path is uniquely hers, that she doesn’t need to conquer the world in each step; simply attack each obstacle as it arrives. The coach can smile knowing that his work is done, at least with this student. The student may call upon the coach, however. The coach’s task will be to ask questions rather than instruct. But in the questions, the student will discover her own answers; exactly how it has bene all along.

To be a fundamentalist is to die inside Bolelli writes:

Lee, in fact, argued that by turning personal intuitions and sound principles into absolute laws equal for everyone, all styles are guilty of of turning partial truths into the only Truth and thereby failing to see the complete range of possible truths.

Much like religious fundamentalists claim that all spiritual paths other than their own way (‘the one true faith’) are misguided…try to assert that they are right while everyone else is wrong.

Classical forms dull your creativity, condition and freeze your sense of freedom. You no longer ‘be’, but merely ‘do’, without sensitivity (Ibidem)

(Note: studying the classics is imperative. However, as the great Charlie Parker — American jazz saxophonist and co-inventor of the bebop style of jazz said, “You’ve got to learn your instrument. Then, you practice, practice, practice. And then, when you finally get up there on the bandstand, forget all that and just wail.”)

Once the student ventures into the unknown the cycle begins again. Now, the coach will be led to another student. The process flows beautifully.

And while the coach cannot guarantee any worldly success for himself or others, he can guide. It is not up to him to walk the path with the student. The coach walks his own path and so must the students he teaches.

And what happens if the student refuses to walk his own path?

The second-hand artist blindly following his sensei or sifu accepts his pattern. As a result, his action and, more importantly, his thinking become mechanical. His response become automatic, according to set patterns, making him narrow and limited. (Lee 1971)

Learn deeply from the coach, teacher, and mentor then allow creativity to emanate. Curiosity, play, and exploration are the tools of creativity.

All styles require adjustment, partiality, denials, condemnation, and a lot of self-justification. The solutions they purport to provide are the very cause of the problem because they limit and interfere with our natural growth and obstruct the way to genuine understanding. Divisive by nature, styles keep men apart from each other rather than unite them. (Lee 1971)

Where are you conforming?

Where are you blindly following in your life?

Why has this become a habit?

Become better at asking yourself questions; you’re with your thoughts all day. We might as well get better at asking question because the answers (if we allow them) will come.

What kind of coach, teacher, and mentor will you be if you blindly follow and never discover your own path?

The questions then become:

How many of these coaches have actually walked their own path?

How many walk a false path; one laid out already paved?

And what becomes of these students they teach?

Do they find their way after becoming wise to their teacher’s false path?

Or do they fall into a daze and never realize the deceit?

This is one of many reasons why I take coaching, teaching, and mentoring seriously. It is my life. The objective is to walk my own path and discover the gifts of each day to better serve anyone who comes onto my path. But if I do not rigorously discipline myself (while enjoying the process), where would I get off thinking it is right to teach others; to guide others?

How can I live with myself if I do not walk my path in discipline, daily habits, daily practice, and learn of myself each day?

I wouldn’t be able to.

And that is a decision I’ve made. It’s a decision that had been procrastinated in the past because of fear, leading to depression and suicidal thoughts.

It scared me to death to enter the darkest part of the forest. But it scared me even more to know this was my path and if I didn’t do it I would be bring incessant suffering to everyone I meet. Because if I am not able to walk my path in truth to the highest conceivable aim of good, then what am I doing here?

I would be wasting this gift.

So this is why I do what I do. It is a part of my highest aim. From the outside it can seem selfish and I understand that. But entering this path I have gone all in, realizing being misunderstood was a reality I needed to accept.

Why do you coach?

Why do you teach?

Why do you mentor?

You may be doing more harm than you realize. On the surface you may be changing lives, however, we are not meant to be average, mediocre, and normal; especially not the people we coach, teach, and mentor.

So, I challenge you to enter the darkest path in the forest. For in this path awaits wisdom; your greatest treasure. This treasure is for you to gain after slaying the dragon. However, the treasure is not truly yours. It is the world’s. And you must return home to share this with the world.

Go forth, noble warrior.

To become enlightened starts with entering the darkness.

Nothing you encounter will be more than you can handle.

In strength,

Coach G

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