What Assumptions I’m Testing & The Results So Far

To understand how something works, figure out how to break it.
Nassim Taleb
I broke myself. Shattered the mask. Many times I went too far. This is where the numb feeling comes in. We plead to simply feel ANYTHING; SOMETHING. This plea usually (for me 95% of the time) went unanswered.
I just wanted to cry. Something. Jokes weren’t funny. Man, what a time that was.
For the robust, an error is information; for the fragile, an error is an error.
Nassim Taleb
I was the furtherest thing from robust. There were glimpses of it but I was fragile.
Procrastinate — Discipline — Procrastinate — Discipline. Alan Watts talks about this and calls it boring; the same thing over and over without learning.
On the outside, friends and family said I was too hard on myself. Probably. But I wasn’t living up to my internal scorecard (see Warren Buffett). And this wasn’t acceptable to me. However, I was living under the dictum of needing to be failure-free. This is not grounded in reality.
Failure-resistant is achievable; failure-free is not.
Nassim Taleb
(Are we getting the idea I am using Taleb’s Aphorism’s book as inspiration here?)

Through it all I have learned. I’ve learned that failure is my best friend; however to continually make the same mistake is a failure (also a lesson I needed to learn). I learned to trust myself; to listen to the call.
I learned to TRULY accept my shortcomings, work to correct them to the point of competency, and continue to develop my strengths. Many more things have been learned; these are a few that come to mind.
I’ve always been a generally kind person; polite and courteous. Generally, I’ve been agreeable too; stubborn but agreeable. As I’ve gotten older, mature, and my own man I’ve become less agreeable.
Being too agreeable means you don’t stand for anything and don’t have a spine. I didn’t want to ruffle the waters too much before. I suppose my angel (see Mom) taught me that through her actions. But there were positives in that. I can put myself (as close as is possible) in someone else’s shoes.
I’ve been chubby.
I’ve been insecure beyond belief; yet, hidden behind the masks most of wear.
I’ve been depressed. (which is normal)

I’ve been suicidal. (which the thoughts are normal)

I’ve rebounded from the darkness.
I’ve turned things around and made headway towards the best version of myself.
And then I’ve fallen back into the darkness.
I’ve removed vices that took me away from my highest frequency.
I’ve fallen back into the vice-grip of the ego.
I’ve been many places. These places aren’t unique; we all go to these places. What isn’t common is admitting this. We like to think we live on an island and I believe this is because we actively try to be too agreeable. We don’t want to burden other people. Yet, these people love you. You aren’t a burden. You are love to them. And if you are a burden (yes this is possible if you are a constant drain on someone’s energy — see Jordan Peterson), do you blame them?
But we aren’t on an island. Stop being so damn agreeable. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone then at least write it down. Get it out of your head in one medium or another. Taking the first step to writing can lead to speaking about it. And the more we do this, it’s possible we come up with solutions because with questions come answers. The mind is brilliant like that.
What I’ve been working on since resigning is answering the call. Answering the call means listening and accepting the voice that says go for it whether it be to say hello, good morning, or simply introducing myself. It could be writing the thank you email, telling someone how much the thing they did for you made you feel, or doing a dedication podcast to a group of people.
Too often, more than 70–85% of the time (yes it is an estimate — not tracking it) I heard didn’t answer the call and act. I hear the call 100% of the time.
Accepting, acknowledging, listening, and acting are separate steps, however. The most important is acting. If we can improve the ratio to hearing the call to acting on it we will transform our lives; we will become followers.
Following is a special thing especially when we are following a powerful leader. The leader I’m talking about is LIFE. I can lead myself and others because of what I’ve been through. I can lead myself and others because of the standards I hold myself to.
But LIFE?!
Life will (and has) taken me to amazing people, conversations, events of synchronicity, and too many coincidences (I don’t believe in these) to think I know better.
It is simple, not easy as I have been shown.
Step 1: You hear the call in your gut or heart or whatever you want to call it (the gut has its own brain — see enteric nervous system and The Brain Always Wins).
Step 2: You also hear or feel the hesitation. This comes in the form of Resistance. Excuses stemming from fragility begin to abound and multiply. The longer you wait (see Mel Robbins’ 5 second rule), the likelihood you WON’T act. This is a gut check here (see what I did there; I know my jokes aren’t funny).
Step 3: Act with boldness. One of the 48 Laws of Power is to enter with boldness. This doesn’t have to be reserved to infamous war generals and leaders. Extract this down to the micro-actions of each day. This is why I call these “micro-calls.” But remember, to do great things we must practice and do small things.
Step 4: Document what went well.
Forget the times you said hello and people were seemingly bothered by being acknowledged.
Forget when people didn’t even look up because they were on their phone.
Forget all that.
In fact, once you understand yourself (it takes a LONG time and it isn’t even a destination, it’s a journey; we are apprentices) you can understand all. To understand all is to forgive all.
Don’t take it personally.

So what DID go well?
How many times did you brighten someone’s day?
One thing when I say “Hi” and introduce myself is ask the person (provided they don’t continue walking away) is ask them,
“When was the last time someone said Hi to you in here?”
You would be surprised to hear the answer. One man said, “Never.” And I don’t think that is an isolated incident. What is common is people NOT introducing themselves, smiling, and saying hello.
The rarity of these events causes a rarity in people looking for these opportunities. Sure, smart phones have a role but I am willing to bet (and I’m testing this every day) that the more I do this the more these people will get their head out of their phones and look out into the world.
And if not, who cares? I’ll force them to by saying hello. People may be insecure and stuck in their phones, but eight to nine times out of ten they will at least look up and say hello back.
And I only count the successes. (at least that’s what I’m practicing)
Write your failures in sand and carve your successes in stone.

This is what I’ve been working on the past 25 days. I’ve met amazing people, made amazing connections, learned a lot about myself and society, and have begun this wonderful journey of discovery. The curiosity I wake up with and carry myself with stems from testing this assumption that people are too engrossed in their phones and unwilling to connect. And this assumption is getting turned on its head.
I’m testing that people don’t want to open up and connect. People are DYING to connect (whether they admit to it or not).
I’m testing that people know what they want.
I’m testing (thanks Tim Ferriss).
And I’m liking the initial results.
But I’m a little grasshopper. I’m the apprentice and always will be.

Everything is practice and everything matters.
In strength,
Coach G
