“The Hard worker”

So here I am, now with a number of “Stories” created by my mind, these have already started shaping my mind, and the world around . I felt out of place in this country and I felt like the white man was keeping me down, I felt that I had to be the nicest guy a listener , and I would no longer express myself in any language. Now in high school, a little older so I was able to to pay attention to the family dynamic and what was going on with my parents. My parents bless their heart have always wanted to be there for us and give us a life and world that they did not have, my father worked longs hours , sometimes I only saw him an hour a day, sometimes didn’t even see him. My mother was the strongest woman I have ever known and until now I didn’t realize that she was doing the best she could, I mean she was raising four boys, my poor mother. She was my mother and sometimes my father. I learned how to be a man mostly from her because my dad at the time was working to bring money to the house so we can eat and have food on the table . He was doing the “father thing” . Pops was never there when I needed him and for the longest I held a grudge because he wasn't there to teach me to be a man. I didn’t realize until I was older and really started to look at the world form his eyes. Him and I closer now than ever because I came to realize that he was doing what he knew was best for us according to his own stories, he didn’t want to be like his dad, I let go of the grudges and embraced the things that I have learned from him even though he was not around. Around 11th grade things started happening that I quite did not understand, I remember my mother had started to work in order to support all of us. My mom started to sell Cosmetic products not going to say the name but it was definitely and MLA. I started to pay attention to all the drinking my father was doing, any time I would see him he was drunk and would mistreat my mother, I don’t want to get into details of this because my father is no longer a drunk and he has taken major leaps to be who he is today , I won’t take that away from him. My mom was doing good at one point she started driving a new car that was being payed for by this cosmetic company, so she was happy, she had money that she had made herself and did not need to count on my dad to give her any. But things quickly turned sour , I remember the day she had to return the car because she was no longer making her sales and they could not afford it. I know it was hard for her but she always kept a poker face . We started to struggle and we moved to a different city, it seems though like money was OK. But when she lost her car I decided that I was going to start working and make a little money to not only take care of my upcoming expenses as a senior but also to help out the family because obviously I was the oldest , that’s what I had to do. So I got a part time job at a Convalescent home. I was doing some type of file work, I was making $10 an hour , back then that was lot of money for a 16 year old. My first check was handed over to my mother to help buy clothes for my brothers and I and what ever else was needed. It felt good, I felt like I was doing my duty as the oldest, so I kept working. My next job was at the 99 cents store , where I started making even more money, so I was able to help out even more. I started to notice that I liked making money and really didn’t make that much effort in school, I still had above average grades, I even graduated with honors and perfect attendance for 4 years. Lets go back a little, at my senior year I started looking for colleges to attend , I don’t know if it was for my parents of for me. I would go to the college center and feel out of place. It quickly looked like going to the schools I wanted was going to be hard, I was still and Illegal Alien and I would not get any help from the government and it would cost me a lot more to go to school , but I did get accepted to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. It didn’t matter though , I decided to go to community college. I started going to East Los Angeles first and I quickly noticed I was not inspired or motivated to finish classes or school for that matter. Not being able to go to those technical schools that I wanted really took a tole. So I started working more, more and more I fell in love with the money I was making, I can remember my dad always saying “don’t fall in love with the money son, finish school” but yeah you guessed it , I didn’t listen. My next job was at KFC where I quickly became management , come to think of it I have always been in management positions mostly all my life. One thing that I learned from pops was to always work hard , that the bread you make with your sweat and tears taste much better when you earn it with a good days work. School slowly became just an after thought ,I kept signing on to classes and not finishing them, or getting bored and dropping off, this went on for an embarrassing amount of time and it still happened these last few years, so much time wasted. So I stayed and quickly I became an Assistant manager making more money that the average 20 year old. So I kept doing it. Today I have created a space in my life to take care of what is important to me not others. To live a life of honesty, integrity and presence , to stop trying to please people and blame them when I don’t make it. To help others with their fears and enrich their life with honesty and authentic love.