What’s that feeling in your stomach…is it fate? Or is it destiny?

If you had to choose, would you pick destiny or fate?

I always thought they were the same thing, but recently I heard a definition of them both that helped me understand the difference.

To understand this, though, we have to first understand that we are a people well trained. If that makes you feel a certain kind of gross, good. Because that training doesn’t really serve your soul.

Don’t get me wrong. It serves you well here in this 3D world.

It serves your most dysfunctional relationships well.

It serves to keep you safe and sound.

It helps you maintain the facade that all is well when really inside you feel like you’re shriveling and dying a little bit.

When we follow along with our training, never interrogating it or questioning it or resisting it, we’re on a straight road to the hell of our fate.

Fate is the hell we end up in if we never fight for ourselves.

Fate is what we get if we never resist our training to be people pleasers, to self-betray, to hug gross Uncle Joe even when we don’t want to because that’s what’s expected. Fate is what we get by keeping the peace, staying silent, not trusting ourselves.

We end up with a big, steaming pile of fate every time we:

Decide we are not capable of starting the business because [insert excuse here].

Hide from the relationship because [insert excuse here].

Stay in that job that underpays + over-works you because [insert excuse here].

Grossly undercharge for your services because [insert excuse here].

Don’t speak up when Racist Aunt Betty says her 5 millionth racist thing because [insert excuse here].

You get the point.

But that, my friend, is vastly different from destiny.

Destiny is what happens when you say to the Universe, “Okay, I’ll play your game.”

Playing the game means engaging in the deep, sweaty grit of self. Destiny is about diving into the mud pit to wrestle with your own psyche — with all that conditioning and trauma and your patterns and your scarcity + lack and your defensiveness and your internalized supremacy and misogyny and your insecurities.

When you stare down that beast inside you, something amazing begins to happen.

She begins to whimper.

When she begins to whimper, she is so much more approachable. You can begin to befriend her, and get her working on your side. Because mixed in with all those toxic trauma responses and patterns that keep you safe and your defensiveness is also a whole lot of wisdom and deep, animalistic knowing.

She is just as much a part of you as any annoyingly distant, perfect higher self might be. She is just as important a part of your soul and your very being as any other part of you, and she deserves her fair share of the spotlight.

When the beast is your friend, magic happens.

I have recently become a huge fan of magic, because I have come to realize that our magic has been stolen from us by powers that wanted us to forget we are magical creatures.

Creatures who can choose between fate and destiny.

So what does any of this have to do with our stomachs?

When you pay attention, it’s possible that both fate and destiny feel the same in your body.

This goes against a lot of common spiritual guru-y kind of teachings that tell you that you can check in with your body for information. I’m not disagreeing with that. And I’m also disagreeing with that. I think it can be both.

Listen. Think about something that you really, really want, but that also scares the living bejeezies out of you. (Bejeezies are a thing. They are cute in a gremlin-y kind of way, and they scatter when scared.)

I’ll go first: next week, I’m speaking with a potential client about a project that could be my highest single project yet. I’m talking a 5-figure deal that’s mid-way to 6, with a 50% deposit and a short, 6 month lead time.

I am both terrified and thrilled about this prospect.

I am manifesting like a mofo and it’s exhilarating. Also, my manifesting power is absolutely frightening. The beast in me is at work, and I’m scared of her deep power.

The animal nature in me doesn’t waste time making meaning out of all this — if I let her, she seizes the adrenaline rush.

She’s ready to zoom across the plain to capture her food. She metabolizes the energy until she’s drained, panting, satiated and ready for rest.

Unmetabolized rushes of adrenaline end up with us feeling stuck, feeling sick, feeling depressed and unfulfilled. I mean this figuratively, emotionally, and quite literally in a physical sense.

The point is that terror and thrill feel the same, somatically, in my body. When I tap into those feelings, I can either call it terror, or I can call it thrill.

Because it’s possible I respond differently to something that thrills me than I do to something that terrorizes me.

And my response makes the difference between fate and destiny.

If I name that feeling in my stomach TERROR, chances are I will also name it DANGER. I will hide from that opportunity, and look for a reason to stay safe and the same.

If I name that feeling in my stomach THRILL, there’s a really good chance that I’ll engage. I’ll get on that roller coaster and go for the ride, and it will lead me right to my 5-figure-for-one-very-cool-project kind of destiny.

So Imma gonna go ahead and call that feeling in my stomach the thrill of destiny, not the gassy terror of fate, and let my freaky beast run free.

What about you? Where does your inner beast want to take you, and do you need some Tums for the ride?

If you’re ready to go on the thrill-ride of a lifetime, journey into your own soul with me. My coaching programs during 2022 will be aaaaallll abut you getting to know your inner beast and her magical power. Join the fun.




Trained professional coach working at the intersection of spirituality + justice (with a whole lot of Woo thrown in there, too.)

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Kerry Connelly

Kerry Connelly

Trained professional coach working at the intersection of spirituality + justice (with a whole lot of Woo thrown in there, too.)

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