Diary of a special snowflake: Get over it!
That was what I was thinking when starting this article: “Get over it. Everybody got bullied once. It isn’t that special. Your story isn’t that special.”
It seems like it is just a part of childhood and you just have to accept it, bullying.
Nevertheless not everybody has the same skills to handle social stressful and unfair situations and bring it to a good end. To be honest I was not sure for a long time my story would have a happy ending. I definitely didn’t had the necessary skills to handle bullying elegantly in school.
I regularly made my own situation worse. I thought that escalating the situation sometimes to get the worse out and get it over with would help me. I didn’t had the patience to see how they gradually would insult me over and over until I cracked and they had a excuse to do worse.
“Give me your worst and get it over with” was what I was thinking at that time. When the bullying is almost daily you can start to predict how things will go.
I needed more social skills and I knew it. I wasn’t interested in giving all responsibility of what was happening to other people. If I wanted to get more control I needed to take more responsibility.
At that time I loved watching people on the internet who could do more than most people. People like Derren Brown. I start watching interviews with him also so I could learn a bit about his teachers and mentors also.
That is when I first learned about NLP Neuro-Linguitic Programming. I learned a lot about language and how it effects us. Trainings were still expensive for me so I tested things out on people on the street and on bus stops where I needed to wait also. Suddenly, the world became my play field.
That didn’t mean that my situation improved much at that school, I am sorry to say. Still had a lot to learn. I started doing a lot of interim work after school but I didn’t had a degree.
When “the financial crisis” hit they got rid of me where I was working.
Looking over my options again, I decided to go in adult education and get a degree. Which I did. I also was with new people now. This could be a new start. I learned so many news things along the way. By this time I also got enough money for a training in NLP and completed it.
This was the time to test if I did improve my social skills. I tested my limits by trying to talk to everybody I could and made a lot of friends in doing so. Some of which I am still friends with. Because my new skills didn’t only help me with my own challenges but learned me also how I could use what I had learned to help other people I decided that it would be selfish to keep what I learned just for me. I started looking for students who had challenges I could help with and helped them during the break.
This didn’t go unnoticed. The school psychologist was following what I was doing for a while now. One day when she came to me during the break and said that she really appreciated how I helped others.
Later there was a heavy conflict between two students I knew. They were both provocative in their own way and knew how to push each others buttons. This time it went to far. A dead threat was made and followed up by: “Bring it on.” Teens dare to exaggerate often but she was stopped by her mother at the school gate, from what I heard the next day, with a knife in her pocket.
I talked to her online later while she was still furious and talked to the other student also who I talked to regularly and became a friend of me.
The fight cooled down not much later. One of the following days the school psychologist was talking to students who were talking to the two students who were fighting (verbally most of the time). One of the students showed the psychologist the online conversation I had earlier with that female student. Later that day she came to me thanked me for how I talked to both students.
I would be lying if I said that I am not feeling a bit proud while writing this. I learned a lot. I tested it. My life improved. I helped other people with it. It was effective and validated by somebody who knew what she was talking about.
In short. I came a long way.
And yes…I do feel a little special from time to time but at least I don’t *melt* as easily anymore under social pressure.
Oh. If you might have noticed: I really do love to help people.
Have a great day.