Reflecting On The Idea That Suicide Is Inconvenient
If you find yourself in need of help, please call the National Suicide Prevent Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255, they are open 24/7. They also offer web chat.
Yesterday a CTA passenger was fatally struck by a southbound train at approximately 7:51am. From what I can tell at this time it’s still unsure exactly what happened, the initial reporter says the person jumped while others believe he was clipped, but it still resulted in a thread on Reddit being locked because of pro-suicide trolls. Regardless of the ultimate reason for this man’s death, whether it be accident or intentional, people committing suicide via the CTA is not uncommon, there are signs for the suicide prevention lifeline posted at many of the stops. This is also something that happens on the commuter rail lines that go from the suburbs into the city. Every-time this has happened I see people voice their disgust with how selfish it is that the person committing suicide would inconvenience passengers with the massive delays that always occur after such events. Truthfully until yesterday I was one of those people and so I wanted to take the time to collect my thoughts and write about these inconvenient suicides.
This isn’t a spur of the moment decision.
To find yourself in a place where you are ready to take your own life is an incredibly one. I went undiagnosed with dysthymia for quite a while and I’ve found myself in that dark place once in college. To get to that place I went through emotional abuse from a girl I was seeing, and at the end of seven months I learned she was seeing another guy the entire time and was never honest with me. At that time I wasn’t rational, all I could feel was a sense of worthlessness and that feeling that I’m never going to amount to anything. If I could allow myself to be manipulated for months on end what does really say about me. Of course writing about this years later I feel absolutely irrational, why would I actually be serious about this? I digress though.
Suicide is not a spur of the moment decision. The person that is going through with taking their own life has likely been through months mentally draining pain, and likely has suffered through life for years to get to that point. They aren’t coming from a rational place of mind, their goal is to end the suffering they have been through, and if that means holding up the CTA for an hour then so-be-it.
Living in America doesn’t help.
We have horrendous policies when it comes to self-care in this country. The idea that someone can be mentally unhealthy is still incredibly taboo, I know first hand as I was commended for writing an article about the topic. That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate the outpouring support I received, it’s just to contrast that I probably wouldn’t get as much support for writing about breaking my leg. If you show up to work with a cast on your leg then everyone is more than happy to help you out, if you are struggling with a mental disease the reaction is usually why is that person so lazy?
Our government policies don’t help either. We struggle as it is to provide basic healthcare to everyone. I am fortunate to work for a company that offers great health benefits and I’m able to see a therapist and psychiatrist at the cost of a $20 copay. In researching the topic briefly mental health was a disqualifier for obtaining insurance before the Affordable Care Act was passed. So with the recent ruling that it may be unconstitutional now that the individual mandate was repealed, there is the possibility that could be reversed. So not only is it difficult to get help for this stuff, it was once a disqualifier for getting health insurance and perhaps could be again.
The country faces incredible challenges when it comes to cyber bullying. You can still find dismissive adults that are unable to comprehend that before the internet the bullying stopped at school, in 2018 it is relentless and never ending. While I haven’t heard reports of teen suicides in a while, I wouldn’t be surprised if the increase in mass shootings is just overshadowing that. As an aside to that, we are always quick to blame mental health as the cause for the shootings (which may be true), however I never hear anything actionable about how those people could have received help.
Suicide is the effect of living in an inconvenient system.
In an attempt to write one article per day, I unfortunately have to start summarizing my thoughts and come to some conclusion before going to work. The system around us was not built with mental health in mind. It is often difficult to receive treatment and if you are able to get help there is still a stigma around it that you have to overcome. Someone taking their own life isn’t a failure on their part, it’s a failure of the larger system that has yet to be fixed. If I ever find myself on a CTA train that has to stop suddenly and I’m stuck waiting for an hour to get off I’ll no longer think wow, what a selfish person, I’ll instead take a moment to be thankful for all that I have.
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